Divorce or Not?

Question

I do love my husband and we have been married for over 9 years with 3 boys. He had a child at 17 and has been in trouble throughout our marriage with child support. The last straw came when he was arrested yet again for non support and missed our second child's birthday for the second time. He is begging me not to file but my options are limited. I have 3 year children, I need a husband not a fourth child. I am so torn over this, I have forgiven him when he cheated but so many other things are going through my mind now. Like how he couldn't get to hospital in 20 mins before I had surgery yet my mom came over an hour to be there. He really needs to grow up and get a sense of responsibility. Part of me thinks if I divorce him he will do this. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Update:

Oops 3 year children should have read 3 children under 8 years old. I am reading the answers and I do already know but please keep responding. Maybe my heart will catch up with my head.

spiffymo · Accepted Answer

You should have left him when he cheated, but it sounds like you stayed for you children's sake. I think you answered you own question when you said you need a husband, not a fourth child. It think it's better that you divorce him and move on rather than keeping you and your children in a stressful situation. Children definatly can feel when there's tension, even if you both are polite in frontof the kids.  He may love you, but somtimes love isn't enough. Just weigh your options and think about what is best for you and your children. I pray god gives you the strength you need to get you through.

Anonymous · Answer

You know the answer already sweetie.  You have a 4th child, not a partner nor a husband.  Divorce him and move on.

Alas though--dont plan on him supporting you or those 3 babies in anyway.  If he does, it will be a pleasant surprise--but don't count on it.  If he isn't taking care of child #1....#s 2-4 relly don't stand a chance, now do they?

Sorry to say it...but its reality.  Better you move on with no expecations to be disappointed by. And none of his obligations either.

Renee · Answer

He doesnt need a enabler, and you dont need man who can not be a husband, and its really not a stable environment for your kids to be in.... and if you do decide on divorce better not depend on that child support because of what he is doing to the other kid....

LoveSlave · Answer

I hate to say this, but divorce him. We always want whats best for the kids, but you need to take care of yourself first. Give the boys a chance to see you happy. There are people I've heard have gotten a divorce and got back together. I don't believe in doing that myself, but you deserve to be happy and RESPECTED. Good luck!

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Divorce or Not?

4 Answers