Anyone know of a good site to find on-line child counseling advice?

There is something not quite right about the relationship your stepson has with his father, apart from the fact that daddy gives him everything he wants. Most boys, by the age of 10, are starting to pull away from their parents because their peers should be taking a more prominent role in their lives.

I know you are in a sticky situation as you are not his "real father," and your wife is probably afraid to do too much - she already feels like the bad guy because she has to be the strict parent, but I really think you should try to find out what the real problem is. You will have to do this without appearing to be judgmental of either your step-son or his father, or things will just get worse.

I've included a few links that might be helpful. You might want to check and see if your community has any support groups for divorced parents or blended families, because they can provide you with resources in your town (not just counseling, but support for you and your wife, and the like). Check the phone book or the community center.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Hugs!

Not much more that I could offer that a few others haven't already suggested.

1. your step-sons' dad is enabling the boy and usurping the authority of his mother;

2. neither you nor your wife can do (legally) do anything about the poor behavior of that man, unless he is willing to discuss the issue in a civil manner and try to find common ground;

3. family counseling - with the son - would be a very good idea.

At 10, he should have a grasp at right/wrong, good/bad, you know, morals and ethics.

He should be told by an outside source (a professional counselor) that what is going on is disruptive to the family dynamic.

As for the telephone calls, tell the boys dad to buy him a cellphone if they both feel compelled to chat so much.

I'd rather see the boy talk to his dad than lie to you guys.

Just set some limits so the boy knows he has obligations and responsibilities.

Obviously, there is always more to the story than meets the eye - I'm almost inclined to suggest that if the boy wants to, have him live with his dad.

If a child is told "no", they tend to do just the opposite - however, if he's given a choice, you might call his bluff.

Good luck to you both - I know that this must be a very difficult situation.

I liked Enrnie's response best. I also am the uncle that the kids all love but I have rules.

I think you should look at this behavior as something the child will stop using / grow out of. It may take time without direct intervention by his parents. But I would say he can talk to his dad anytime he wants. If you change the scheme he loses his wedge. I also would speak to him directly as if he is an adult. ask him why he is so obssesed? I am sure he is doing this as a way to irk his mom and you... especially when ever he gets disiplined or he cant get his way. it is like the teddy bear a child wont let go of. it has become his security blanket and "he knows how to use it to his advantage". However it is disturbing and would make me kinda spooked. I mean you don't want him to be a wimp, or girly eh? But don't fear this is natural he should want to learn from a father figure at his age.

Maybe if you can be the parent that speaks to him about his (the childs future) then you can be the one he looks to in the future. Be the first to tell him about women how to meet them and how to treat them.

There is a cultural thought that states:

I think there is a book called "de burro genius" (something like that) which explains this thought very well)

a boy should spend his first 7 years with his mother and learn how to love. (and be caring. Also this time gives the son time to bond with his mother and he will be better and more comfortable around women)

a boy should spend his next 7 years with his father to learn how to hunt, fish, and learn about, nature, work, and how to pick the right women. (he should pick a women like you pick a horse - you dont want one that startals easy. You want one that is stable, healthy, well tempered. )

Also teach him about the world - I ask (even adults) what do you want to be or do? Then I tell them how to accomplish their dream and make it their job. Nothing is better than doing a job you enjoy!! (PS if you have a dream job and dont know how? ask me I can tell you how) My first business I owned I started myself and was 10 years old. My hobbies are also my best tax write offs.....

;-)

But I also agree with ernie you need one on one time......hiking or going to a lake and fishing, anything with little distrations. Also don't bring a phone!!!!!!

One of the best things that I can think of is something you already tried , but should continue to try .. . . . Get your wife to go to counseling with you . Then it's the counselor telling her it's not healthy and not you telling her . But I would try this approach -- If your wife disagrees with your assessment , then tell her you also disagree with her assessment and wouldn't it be best for your son to find out which assessment is better ? Notice I said 'which' assessment and not 'your' assessment . That's because it helps to remove the personal part of it , therefore it's not a matter of who's right , but a matter of what is right for your son .

Another thing that might help is to develop a one-on-one personal relationship with the boy . You probably already have or tried to , but go ahead and take him on nature walks , fishing. . . just you and him . Do it for hours and then do it another time and another . Soon , he will be asking you questions about fishing or wildlife or plants or whatever , and when you give him the answers he'll look at you in a whole different light . He'll learn that he can also rely on you . That's why it needs to be just you and him and no one else . And don't take him to a movie or amusement park(not right away anyways) . This needs to be done where there are not outside distractions , other kids , and material amusements .

I'm not much of a 'link guy' , but I am really damn good with kids . All my nieces, nephews, and extended family relatives know that when I come over. . . all the kids flock to me . I also like to play practical jokes on the kids and 'with' the kids . They end-up looking at me as someone they can relate to , yet also know that I have rules and standards . You should see it when one of the kids might be whiney or a cry-baby cause he/she doesn't get their way . All the other kids tell the cry-baby that it's of no use to cry because Uncle 'Ernie' doesn't accept that kind of behavior and it'll do ya no good to cry and whine . I don't have to say a word !!

Wootz....Let the mother and father work this one out...

Steer clear...they can work this out between them....if you want to possibly help...suggest things to your wife....but let her decide if she wants to put your advice to work...

I know it's hard to watch....but if you 'stick your nose in' you may just lose it....fathers are VERY protective of their sons.

It'll all work out in the end...trust me.

Good Luck I hope you find a site

Your wife needs to get some balls and tell the kid NO! Does she not realize that he doesn't get everything he wants??? You wife is the real problem here!!!