i wrote this poem, could you read it please and express your opinion?

dont listen to those dumb asses up there

When you were saying 'a thousand times' you made perfect sense

some people need to look more deeply into the poem and try not to understand their perspective,but the perspective of the writer

you meant theat you wanted to feel it over and over again so you could feel that sensation of being there for him,watching,seeing him...again.It made perfect sense.Keep it up.

Since you wrote “. i would really like to know what you really think, and i won't mind at all if you don't like it. and i would also appreciate suggestions.”

I will give to you my honest opinion and critique.

To start with, I must empress upon you to work on your capitalization, punctuation and sentence structure.

With that said let us begin.

Your title “1000”

The proper writing of this number is 1,000

“sometimes,

i close my eyes

and wish i were a drop water in your sink

so i would see you when you drink

a glass of water.

and it would be like you drank me

a thousand times.”

Why are you not using capitals?

“sometimes, I close my eyes”

Why are you breaking this apart. It would flow better if it read: (Sometimes I close my eyes) and then continue your thought to your next sentence. Since you are using these as your first two lines in every verse, it makes more sense to put them together

“and wish I were a drop water in your sink”

Again with the capitalization and this sentence makes absolutely no sense.

What is “a drop water”?

This line would flow more smoothly if you lose the “and” and change your “wish” to (wishing)

And instead of “a drop water” would it not make more sense if you were to say (a water drop)?

Example: Wishing I was a drop of water in your sink

“so i would see you when you drink

a glass of water.”

Again with the capitalization.

This line does not support the line above it. How can you see them drink a glass of water when you are a drop of it in the sink. This makes no sense outside of your forcing a rhyme. Does not work.

” and it would be like you drank me

a thousand times.”

Again with the capitalization.

Why would we think and believe that you will be drunk when you are a drop in a sink?

And your end “a thousand times”, exactly what does that mean? If you are going to use it as the end of every verse and your title is 1000, it is confusing and makes no sense.

This is the critique of only your first verse, and my opinion of your other verses are the same as this. This piece has for me, nothing but words placed on a piece of paper that rhyme at times, and has no thought, feeling, structure, direction or message.

Harsh critique I know, but you wrote and I quote:

“i would really like to know what you really think, and i won't mind at all if you don't like it. and i would also appreciate suggestions.”

Ask and you shall receive my friend.

I can see the point you are making, and I can understand the feelings that went into the writing, but as a poem, I didn't think much of it. As an emotional essay, it was refreshing. Broken lines and bad grammar do not a poem make, although many good poems have both elements. I have to tell you though, if you became a drop of water and I drank you, I'd also have to let you out. oops, now there is an awkward sight. keep trying, it's what makes greatness.

ok, i would be truthful, the poem is solid, yet i think of you probably did no longer pay lots interest on connection between each and each area. for occasion you write with regard to the wood touching the clouds and few lines later you point out that the sky is blue-incoherence. interior the 1st lines tension of the wind does not correspond with whispering and kissing, possibly extra suitable may well be breath rather of tension? only because of fact once you whisper it potential some thing forceless, mushy, quiet. The fourth area-come to a call blue or turquoise-they're 2 different colorings. i like the area of the ask your self that rests interior the wind. shop goin'

It doesn't make much sense. You cant erase a pen. A fly has a life span of about a month. Its not realistic and its kind of hard to relate to.

You want your writing to be believable. You want it to move the reader emotionally. If love is what you want to write about then tell us of you pain, or joy, or sadness. There is no emotion in this writing. You do have raw talent though. Keep working with it and keep asking for honest answers.

The second stanza doesn't make any sense to me. What does it mean to write down someone's heart? Overall, I think the poem is kind of boring. Maybe it's because you keep using the same formula, or maybe it's because the words are pretty bland. Sorry.

Writing down someone's heart makes even less sense metaphorically.

And as someone else implied, your grammar needs a lot of work. Your verb tenses are chaotic, and you've basically written three run-on sentences.

I love your style.

Its so refreshing to read.

I absolutely loved it and would love to hear more of your work.

The only fault was all your "i".

Just change all the ones that start a sentence, or stand on there own to capital I.

Keep up the good work because you have a big talent for writing here.

Do not like it AT ALL.

All I see is the rantings of a stalker who is looking forward to watching the death of another.

If the Homicide Department was to obtained this, you would be the number 1 suspect!

I like the poem!. After reading it, I am left with the feeling that you have been crossed, in love, and at this point, are still pulled in two directions.

Advice:- Forget the guy, keep writing poetry.

I think the poem is good and the ending is pretty deap. But I did feel a bit of a shortage, I think that you should add some more verses to it.