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Miserable at Home!!?

I am married (for 11 Years) and I am miserable at home. I love my husband! But I caught him in a 3 month relationship with another woman. He and she says it was only a friendship and only a phone relationship. Now I have had a very hard time with this and it has been 9 months. I can not get over it and I struggle with it everyday!!!!! Should I let it go because I know or I think it is not going on any more? He gives me all of his cell phone bills and all are clean. What should I do and how do I handle it??? Help!!!!!

14 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    on my 9th year of marriage my husband tried to cheat on me with my cousin, my cousin came to me and told me right there and then. At the time we had 3 kids and I tried to forget and forgive but his actions took its toll after 5 years because every time we fought 'that" situation always came up. I really tried to work it out but eventually it didnt work. we ended our marriage after 14 years because i thought i could get over with it and in reallity i never knew how to forget. soooo if YOU think you can really put that behind you, seek some counseling and if not, the best thing, I think will be to start a new page in your life because the only thing that will happen is thatt both of your life's will be miserable if you cant get over the cheating part :( ....

    Source(s): been there.... done that
  • 1 decade ago

    I know this might sound like common sense, but when was the last time you checked with yourself? What I mean is - do you listen to and hear your intuition? Before making any kind of decisions. Find a quite place where you can be alone with your thoughts, try to relax, push all thoughts aside by concentrating on your breathing, then once you're in the quietest place of your mind ask "what should I be aware of right now? or what should i be doing right now?" The answers might not come right there and then, but you'll have to pay attention to signs through out your day and especially your feelings. All feelings that are peaceful, feel good, and come from the place of love are the right feelings that will lead you to the right answer. All feelings of fear and doubt are only going to confuse you, so don't pay attention to them. Try it. You have nothing to lose, then follow your bliss. That's going to be the right path for you. Good luck.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I have had much experience with this problem.

    Contrary to popular belief, cheating isn't the end of the world. Forgive him, but keep checking up on him. The consequences for his betrayal to you are a lack of trust from you. You have every right to check & see if he is where he says he is, you can go through his pockets, his wallet, his car, whatever you need to do to make sure that you aren't being deceived. It could take you years to get over it, and you may never trust him again. It isn't your fault. I know how furious you are, but you don't need to torture yourself everyday with your own thoughts. First, he emotionally abuses you (by having the affair), then you turn around and emotionally abuse yourself by thinking about it all the time.

    Don't listen to people who gasp in shock and say: "dump him". That's stupid advice. Stay with it, at least for awhile. If he doesn't clean up his act, he doesn't deserve you.

    If would help you also if you got counseling from a licensed, qualified, and experienced therapist who is trained in Cognitive Therapy. At least she can help you through this.

    You deserve it, girlfriend. I know how much you hurt right now. Get help for yourself, and take your power back. He ripped you up oneside and down the other. The big jerk.

    But, don't keep abusing yourself over it. You CAN get through this.

    Oh yes. . . and forget that "once a cheat, always a cheat" myth. It's not true.

    Source(s): I am a retired private investigator.
  • 1 decade ago

    I have been there. I talked with another woman online and eventually met her. He will try to reason with you, that it was jsut a phone relationship and not that big of a deal. Men think cheating involves sex or physical contact. He needs to understand that any kind of relationship with another woman is wrong and jsut as hurtful. My girlfriend at the time was not able to get past this partly becasue I didn't give her what she needed to do so. I should have talked with her, answered all of her questions as many times as she needed to ask and should not have tried to rush her to get past it. As your husband is doing, I should have given her all of my cell phone bills and passwords to my email. If he loves you and wants to stay married to you he will have to do this and re-gain your trust. You have every right to be insecure and jealous. He betrayed you and hurt you. He needs to understand that he has hurt you and needs to be willing to do whatever it takes. You need to talk with someone, a pastor or counselor that can help you with things and he should go to counseling with you.

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  • 5 years ago

    you decide on a waterfight with the infants and spouse till you're all soaked and in keeping with threat a foodfight one nighttime sanctioned via you and mom(only verify each physique facilitates freshen up - make that relaxing too, like a contest, and verify they understand they are in a position to't do it perpetually). Then, placed on some ridiculously hilarious outfit to artwork and shop a right now face all day. word the unusual seems from coworkers and run to the bathing room or exterior to snort once you're able to be able to desire to. additionally, discover the time to discover what you used to choose you should be once you improve up and make it your objective to get there on the sly. as quickly as you're there, you would be in a job you like and can shake the dirt off your ft on the grotesque activity.

  • 1 decade ago

    You need to see a therapist. If he was having a "phone affair" with someone, that took away all your trust. He has to understand that he has to EARN that trust back...no matter how long it takes. Seeing a therapist will help you work through all your doublts and confusion over this. Good luck to you.

  • 1 decade ago

    They say sadly that if he cheats once he will do it again. But if you want to stay in the relationship you should think about couples counseling. But either way I am sure it will take awhile to gain his trust back. Good luck

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Well maybe you should seperate because you being upset isn't gonna make the situation any better. Sounds like you still don't trust him. Might be good to get away and clear your hard for a while....

  • Tasha
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    A man can easily buy a Trak phone and not have a bill to show for it. You just buy your minutes with a card. I'm not saying he's still doing it, just saying don't drop it so soon.

  • 1 decade ago

    Sometimes, these are the things that are hard to forgive. You may never be able to forgive him. You should seek counseling to see if you can get over this. I wish you the best of luck!!

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