Married Ladies ONLY, what is a GOOD man?

Good Man = Trusting, Honest, Affectionate, Compassionate,

Shares, Easy to talk too!

Pretty much equals a gay man. All except for the sex part.

Well, be careful about generalizing "good man" "bad man" - No, it is not fair that he feels his only responsiblity in the marriage is paying the bills. I can understand after 6 years that could cause bitterness. You feel you may not love him anymore because you are angry. And I can understand that. If you are on Answers expressing this, I can only assume you have tried over and over again to talk to him and it fell on deaf ears. On top of all that, the sex is bad and you don't spend any quality time together. I certainly understand your statements. I don't know what you have tried and haven't tried, but certainly something has to be done to change things. Whatever you do, be very serious about what you are saying, but be calm. Getting your point across doesn't always have to entail yelling or vidictive acts (going on strike with cooking cleaning, etc.) - Set your boundaries, and do what you need to do to take care of you. I am married and although very newly married, I'd be lying if I said I didn't notice the same thing in my marriage. I have already had to bring it up. The difference is that my husband has acknowledged I'm right and has made the necessary changes. I guess based on what you are saying, all I can tell you is, you aren't crazy, you have a right to feel drained, frustrated, unhappy and angry. But try not to let those feelings guide you, because that will make things worse.

been married, so I'm qualified to answer.

A man's position in a family is as the old saying goes "a hunter and gatherer" and if he is old school he feels he is there to "bring home the bacon", i.e. provide for his family. but also there to defend and protect. He may bring with him his religion, tradition, culture, values and morals. He would be a believer in "family", "community", and "country".

I divorced a husband because life was boring, no affection or sex, and made the mistake of calling him a "roommate" because that was being honest and he couldn't handle it. Eventually I divorced him but then when I went out into the world I found out that there are a lot of marriages that are like that, including the very little communication, no time together, that each does what they need to do in keeping the family going. I felt when married that as long as he brought home the money but that while I worked I could spend my own money and enjoy clothes and going out with the girls and doing what I wanted to do then that was a good thing. In the meantime if he wanted to bury himself in his hobby and be with the guys that was fine with me. I was sorry afterward that I divorced this boring man just because we were going in two different directions as I could have (so to speak, and I don't mean this sexually...) could have "had my cake and ate it too". I had it good and didn't know it. I think you do too.

Enjoy your child, put your attention into your child and into doing motherly things and get out and mingle with the girls who do wifely things (not staying out all night or visiting the bars) but find yourself a good hobby, get creative, go out window shopping (take your child with you), and enjoy life.

Perhaps your husband is waiting for a boy so he could teach the child male things.

Your husband is being the best husband he knows how to be. It just seems you all have allowed your marriage to get in a rut. Being a man is more than just paying the bills. However, to a man that is a big part of what he feels is being a good provider and husband. Talk to a woman whose husband want work, you may learn to appreciate what your husband is bringing to the table.

(Listen to your words) and even if you do not speak them to him, your attitude shows through - I'm not saying you are not justified because you feel unloved to. This is what I heard you say, 1). Sex is terrible, 2). He works too much; he doesn't spend time with me, 3). He’s not affectionate with me, 4). I feel like a roommate. I'm sure it wasn't always like this or else you would not have married him. I'm sure the question is not "is your husband a good man"; the question is "how do I get my husband to love me the way he used to".

1. Work on you first, be the best you can be to yourself. Are you the woman he married…ask yourself, 5 things that you can implement in your own life that has nothing to do with him making you happy and DO IT make yourself happy and then you can be happy with him or without him. Be that woman he fell in love with, SEXY, Sassy, Confidant and Got it going on. Love is created it doesn’t happen by accident, think back when you first met and you just had to have him, he hasn’t changed that much in 6 yrs. You know what to do.

2. Work on appreciating your Husband who makes good money and is providing a great lifestyle for your family. I know it's hard to do when you feel that he's not appreciating you in return. Stop talking about him with your friends/family, that destructive and it breads bad feelings even when they are off the phone. (It will get better, but you’ve got to believe that) Keep in mind you asked the question so it's bothering you more than it is him.

3. Changing your attitude with him will make him want to be around you more. NO man wants to talk to, have sex with, or do things with a Negative Spirit. (That’s if it's not too late). If you have forgotten to be impressed with your man, he will find someone who is impressed with him. Nobody should be more exalting than you. I'm not saying suck up but show love and appreciation for small things. I’m sure that’s how you made him feel loved and appreciated in the beginning and he couldn’t wait to show you by asking you to be his wife.

4. DATE Each Other - Both of you probably have been taking each other for granted. Get a baby sitter and plan some dates and outings together –minus the kid. Kids will steal all your affection and you want have time for daddy.

5. When your husband comes home, what do you say to him, are you excited or it doesn’t matter. Greet that man with a kiss and a hug to let him KNOW he was missed. When you start showing more affection, he will start giving more. A man needs a peaceful home. If you guys have forgotten to do these things, you may have to say to him. “I got something special for you later” I’m putting the baby down early. You know what to do…Let him know things just aren’t the same when he’s gone. (NOT YOU WORK TOO MUCH)…change that now…before it’s too late. Listen to his trials and troubles attentively, be his friend…even if he repeats himself…I promise you that’s what you do with strangers and that’s what you did in the beginning.

6. Be Supportive of him as a man and the more you guys be friends he will be more of a friend to you. Stop trying to have a “Come to Jesus” meeting over this stuff. Too much talking about the marriage is a pain and perceived as NAGGING. Keep it peaceful and keep it simple. Communication is key but it doesn’t always have to come out of your mouth all at once. be blessed

Men certainly define being a "good" man by how well they provide for their family but a TRULY good man understands that it's about more than money. Providing food, shelter, and things are only part of a good man.

A good man knows how to treat his wife with love and respect. He honors her every day with each choice he makes. He makes her feel like the most loved person in the world. He encourages her strengths, talents, intelligence, and independence. A good man is also a very good father who understands that family is FIRST.

It sounds like the 2 of you need to seriously get some couples therapy. If he's no interested in saving your r'ship, then I'd be out of there. The love relationship that children grow up with greatly affects the partners they choose in the future and how they conduct themselves in their own r'ships. So, think carefully whether or not you want your child to grow up to think marriage is what you have now.

A Good man is hard to find - but it is different for everyone. for me it is someone who is strong and devoted to our family, honest and caring, affectionate and considerate. Someone who is the rock you can lean on when times are tough and leans to you when he is struggling. The problem most couples face IMHO, is that there is no communication and it's not something we are taught to do - Men are told that feelings are a sign of weakness so they must bear the weight of the world on their shoulders and make us feel crazy when we try to "talk it out". I'm not defending him, just giving you a perspective.

Obviously the two of you loved each other once or you wouldn't be married with a 3 year old...what did you love then? focus on the good and try to find something good in him each day. compliment him on it even if his reaction is less than what you expect. Men have to feel important and all too often our nagging is one of the things that bring them down. I'd suggest counseling somewhere if he'd be a willing participant because once you can address your communication issues, everything else will fall into place...especially the sex.

I'm no good at following gender only directions.

We each contribute or detract from our relationships. When things get bad we focus on the bad and ignore the good. If you want to save your marriage then put the bad away and focus on the things you love about him. Since most people won't follow that advice I'll assume you won't either. If he truly does nothing but work and spend money then he's not a good husband and you need to decide if this is what you want to spend the rest of your life with.

I don't know what a good man is either anymore. I thought I did once upon a time. It just seems like every normal milestone (having kids, long or odd work hours, this, that and the other thing) brings a new problem.

All I can say is get in line. A lot of us have complaints and problems like yours and no answers. Cheer up!

I can answer what a good HUSBAND is -

First of all, he is FLEXIBLE and OPEN MINDED. He is not rigid in his beliefs. Too often, they believe they are doing their "job", as long as they are coming home every night with money to pay the bills. The EMOTIONAL requirements women expect are totally foreign to them. Changing a mans beliefs is a difficult and delicate process - it requires patience and a great deal of communicating knowledge. You MUST know HOW and WHEN it is "right" to approach them.

In your husbands mind, he is doing what he BELIEVES he is supposed to. His JOB. THAT is the problem - he is so buried in that role he has no time left to notice anything or anyone else - if he does notice, he automatically assumes the responsibility of taking care of them, is YOURS. He has his JOB, so you must do YOURS. Marriage is a "working relationship" between two "partners" - you are "Co-Managers" - but with very different job descriptions. There is no EMOTION involved in HIS mind.

MAYBE he can loosen up and learn to step in to the emotional role of husband AND Father. It depends on his willingness to WANT to. He sounds completely rigid - yes, you ARE roommates - there are no signs of any emotional connection between you two. He is not a bad MAN - he is completely VOID of Husband or Father knowledge. If he had to write a detailed description of what either titles "duties" were, he would not have a clue what to say.

Find yourself a GOOD family counselor - in time, if he is willing, go to counseling together - maybe things can change. Sometimes all it takes is gaining KNOWLEDGE to get someone interested in opening their minds to happier and healthier ways to live. Staying in a "relationship" that is completely void of connection is a waste of life - you and your child need more out of life. Counseling or separation are your only choices.

A good man is someone who is kind, caring, affectionate, loving, provider, listener, lover, helper, dependable, and doesn't take his family for granted. Just because he makes good money doesn't mean that makes him a good husband or father. If he doesn't want to communicate with you or be an active part of your family, then let him go. He isn't worth your time or effort.