Is it OK for an ex to drop over unexpected to see his kids whenever he wants?

yeah

that would bother me!

its not his house anymore..he needs to realize that and move on

He has the right to see his kids, but no right to be in your home if you don't want him there. Tell him he can take the kids to his house, or wherever. And if you have a judgment of divorce (or custody/visitation order order if never married), you do have the right to insist that he stick to it unless other arrangements are made by agreement ahead of time. Besides ensuring that father and kids get to have time together, it is also supposed to serve the purpose of set times for you spend with your kids and not interrupt any plans that you may have - even if those plans are just having dinner and doing homework without unexpected drop-ins.

It's great that he wants to see his kids that much, and you shouldn't deny him without a really good reason, but he has no right to infringe on your privacy. Tell him that from now on, he must call first to see if it's a good time, and that he must take them to his own home, or just out for dinner or to the park or wherever if it's a school night.

In your case, it really kind of sounds like it is more of a control thing over you than it is about him seeing his kids.

*****Okay, I saw your edit after I posted. He is definitely into controlling you. The next time he shows up without calling, stand firm and tell him that you will no longer tolerate his treatment of you, it is not his visitation time and you will see him when it is. Then shut the door and lock it. He may call you on the phone screaming, and he may call the cops, but if they come, have your judgment in hand to show them that it is not his time to get the kids and he won't leave. They will make him leave and tell him that they cannot do anything because you are doing nothing wrong, and it's a civil matter not a criminal matter anyway. One time of this should make him realize that you are serious without any real harm being done.

Who is he kidding, My ex tried the same game. He would stop by around 11 or 12 at night to see the kids on a school night. He just wanted to see what i was up to. Do i even have to say it, He didn't get in and after it got cold out side he stopped dropping by. The next time he takes a step any place other than were he was seated, Get him some help getting the hell out of your house.The cops get paid to do just that.

Whenver he wants is a little much; however, there are so many men that don't bother to spend time with their children that it's a plus he wants to see his kids. I think there's got to be a happy medium between strict court instituted visitation and coming and going as he pleases.

Remember at the end of the day it is about the kids and it's better for the kids to have both of you in their lives as much as possible.

No, it is not ok. Tell him you need to set ground rules and agree on an arranged time that he will see the kids. If for some reason he needs to drop by on a day when he's not expected he must call first. If you have not changed your locks already, do so.

Don't put up with that carry on. Stand at the door and tell him it's not his house it's yours and you expect some sort of privacy even from him. If he wants to pick the kids up fine but he can either stay in the car or stand in the hall while the kids are putting jackets on etc. His reason for being there is to pick the kids up not snoop around your house.

It is not right that he drops over whenever he wishes. He should abide by the order of the court, and that includes only stopping by to pick up the children on his appointed day and time. Next time he just walks into your house or stops by, present him with a copy of the divorce decree, and explain that it is not his home, and you would like him to abide by the court's wishes,

It is not okay. He is using the kids as a excuse to be rude. You can explain to him that you understand that he wants only to see the kids, but it is not the kids' house, it is your house, and then he must plan with you a time to come to the house. If you are legally divorced you can let him know that this behavior is not exceptable and that you will speak to your lawyer if it persists.

If you're complaining that your "ex" roams around your new house like it's his, then you might have a reason to be mad. I assume it's a NEW HOUSE and that you're not living in the same house as when you were married, right? As for stopping in to see his children? You should be so lucky. I just answered a question from a lady who doesn't understand why her ex husband won't come visit his children.

Absolutely not. You have to set the rules right from the get go. Follow your divorce or visitation decree to the T. If you don't have one, then let him know what the rules are, then stick to them.

It is about control issues and it is about him trying to make a point. Don't argue with him, it is your house and your rules. If it isn't his day, his time or he didn't call then don't answer the door.

I think he should call you and agree a time when he can see the kids. You can have him barred from entering your house if you don't want him in here. Tell him that's what you'll do if he doesn't make appointments. It isn't that you want to deny him the right to see his children, he just has to do it the right way. Don't let him push you over!