I have this friend...?

Question

who seems to stand me up frequently or forget about plans.  She went through a divorce, so had a lot going on.  Her life is pretty stable now, so thought this pattern would stop. 

She did something nice for me recently in helping with an estate sale that I had to put together last minute for my family.

But then last night we were supposed to go to a concert, and she stood me up via email 15 minutes before the concert was to start because she got hung up at work.  I am glad I had my blackberry on or I would have gone to the concert alone.  I went home, but had already paid for the ticket.  I emailed her back and stated she owed me dinner.

I have made a preliminary decision that I will invite her out in the future, but only with other friends so that if she stands me up, I won't be alone.  Is this the right thing to do, or should I do something else?  

I have thought about talking to her about it, but I just don't see her often enough to think it is worth it. Advice?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Some people are just not very outgoing.  They enjoy seeing someone and doing things but for some reason never get motivated to go.  I have family members like that.  You can invite and invite and instead of them telling you up front they wont be there they say they will and then get "sick" all the sudden.  I just assume they have a hard time saying no and I dont put them on the spot.  If it is something with a lot of people going I will invite them and if they show great.  However nothing to where I have to depend on them.

Darkchild · Answer

I really think that was wrong of her to only give you 15 min notice on the concert I find it hard to believe that she did not know she would have to stay before that. Also considering her prior behavior that she stands you up for things and forgets about plans it seems to me that either she is just plain rude or does not put you as a high priority on her list either way I would not be making any plans with her in the future. I am sure as you stated you have other people to do things with and would be more than happy to be there and on time. So when she calls to find out why you don't make plans with her anymore tell her. Be honest. I am sure she will get the drift. Good luck to you.

Rooster 1972 · Answer

Look this person it sounds like is unsure about life in general. She is still dealing with the divorce and she is putting energy in her job and other things. Other things do not include you. I would just casually call her every once in a while and I would not make plans with her because her behavior says she is not going to keep her word. Keep her as a general friend, but do not put yourself in a situation where you are going to be stood up again.

Anonymous · Answer

Going out in a group sounds like a great idea. That way theres no pressure on either of you. She might feel uneasy with it just being you two anyhow, dont let this put a strain on your friendship. This alternative will work.

Shamama h · Answer

don't dump her friends are supposed to be for ever besides i don't i don't think u will find a friend that you will trust as much as u do her. anyway thats not sometihn u do to a friend.You could find another friend you could hang out with. but tell her that she just doesn't have the time 4 u anymore and that ur finding someone else. maybe shell have to find time for u if shez a ture friend just giver her time

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I have this friend...?

5 Answers