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Relationship Double-Standards?
My BF and I are going to move in together at the end of the month. Due to a few things that have taken place in our relationship and my old fashioned Mom, I'm feeling some pressure about my decision. The thing is, she's remarried and has talked about divorcing her hubby almost every 6-8 months. (she's got this weird pattern starting to show) Point being, her relationship is not perfect, neither is mine, so isn't it a double standard if she keeps talking to me like she's so uncomfortable with my choice? For the record, she's not so crazy about my BF but those reasons are her own. They're not directly reflective in the way he is. I'm not crazy about her hubby tho either. We clearly pick very different men. How can she say "I support you" when I can tell she does not? How do I finally say to her, this is my choice and you should tuck your feelings away? I'm 26, my BF is 30. We're not young children.
4 Answers
- xKLv 71 decade agoFavorite Answer
Her "baby" (I know you're 26, but to Mom, you're always her baby) is moving in with her boyfriend. She's concerned because of some issues the two of you have had and the fact that she doesn't particularly like him, and I wouldn't be surprised if some the insecurities about her own relationship are creeping in.
Unless you sit down and have a heart to heart with your mom, you may never get the support you seem to desire. I think everyone realizes that relationships take work, and the fact that she's so unhappy in hers doesn't mean she wants you to be unhappy; it means she wants you to consider every angle before doing something like this. Tell her you are in love and believe you're doing the right thing, that you recognize it won't always be easy but that you're both ready. Just don't alienate her; it seems like she's really looking for some comfort of her own.
- 1 decade ago
You should be up front and direct with her. Tell her, Mom, I'm an adult, this is my decision, you can take it or leave it. Talk to her as one adult to another, and leave the catty one-upsmanship out of it. Your mother might not have an ideal relationship but it doesn't mean her advice is bad (or good, for that matter). The only way you'll know if moving in with your BF is the "right" decision is to try it. Best of luck!
- 5 years ago
I guess flirting is a big one for me too. I'm a flirt, can't help it. I even enjoy flirting with a guy or two. My last girlfriend was the same way. We've even been together at a party or something, and flirted with the same person. I'm cool with the "tag-team" flirt thing, but when she's on her own, I get a bit jealous. I think the jealousy comes from the fact that I know the person she's flirting with is really enjoying it. The grin on their face makes me mad. I should be the one with the grin, not them!
- Anonymous1 decade ago
that's hard because you don't want to disrespect your mother... i would say that while you respect her opinions you are an adult and make your own choices about who you date.