Manipulation...Control Issues....?

It sounds as if this person you are describing is a belittler and gets their sense of esteem by indirectly putting another one down.

Once the woman realizes that she has every right to feel and react any way she wants she'll see his manipulative, belittling tendencies for what they are and will not put up with it. But that's up to her when she is ready and able.

LOL I would know what I would say to such a person, but that's because I know that I'm entitled to be who I am no matter how ignorant, emotional, or angry I might get at times.

"I will raise my voice when and wherever I want. If you have a problem with it, then you can excuse yourself from my presence. I will answer questions the way I see fit. If you do not like how I answer them, then don't ask me any questions. If I find that you are withholding vital information from me, then I refuse to trust you any longer in such matters and will go around you to get what I want. If you treat me with silence, then be prepared to not have me care nor attempt to get any response out of you. Also, some humans (me being one of them) get angry and emotional and if you cannot accept that fact, then that's your issue to deal with. I will not ever look down upon myself for getting upset or angry when I don't know how to handle a situation in an otherwise better manner. If you cannot accept me getting angry, then you need to work on that..."

But that's me. Nobody gets away with putting me down for long... :-)

As a domestic abuse survivor, I can tell you that the abuser does not have to hit you, insult you, or raise their voice to you. However, if anyone is in a situation where any of the things you listed are occurring, they need to find a safe place to go. The mental and emotional abuse is FAR worse than the physical abuse as bruises eventually go away, but the effect on a person's self-esteem takes months (even years) to mend.

If you don't know of a safe place to go, check out the phone book for battered women shelters.

BTW ... While most people would consider the abuser to be a male, there are women who also abuse their spouses or significant others.

Absolutely! It's identified as emotional and mental abuse and unfortunately, this type of behavior almost always escalates to physical abuse as well. If you are in this relationship, go sit in on a Battered Spouses group sometime, see and listen to the the effects.

WHile I would call it emotional abuse, that might not hold up in court. It is deffinitely passive-agressive behavior and manipulation techniques. Some cults do the same thing when brainwashing people (shutting them out for bad behavior, isolation, derisive comments, pointing out flaws...)

sounds like a relationship I just got out of, and now I am happy again.