Being a Step Mom?

Supporting the existing family network is essential, if it's healthy. However, being a step-parent also means making YOUR household work well.

When the children are with you, you will be parenting/co-parenting them with your husband. Discipline is of course essential and you certainly have a right to. (*don't let others tell you it's not your place...that's a load of b/s)

The biggest thing here is to sit down and discuss with your husband what the two of you believe is good, fair, appropriate for supporting the family network as well as discussing a plan of action when it comes to any (all kinds of) situations that may be difficult but are part of raising a family.

The age of the children has a LOT to do with things. Can you be more specific with their ages??

If the 3 or 4 of you (X's and the new partners) are able to sit down together to go over all of this and support eachother, it would be ideal... Unfortunately, it's not always possible due to hurt feelings, jeleousies, etc...

As a step parent of small children, you will simply be another parent. Adults agreeing on the ways, manners of handling all situations is best...

Good Luck... it's a lot of baggage that you've taken on...regardless of it being a good or bad divorce between your husband and his X ....

I'm assuming you don't have kids of your own. I'm sure that's rough when you have never been in the mother role before. I got my "step-daughter when she was 6 years old. Her mom was not in her life and I had an 8 year old daughter. Is the children's mom involved in there life's? If not i suggest you drop the "step" word. Treat them as if you are their mother. Spend some fun time with them. building a loving relationship with them is just as important as providing food and clothing. Relax, I'm sure your husband wouldn't have married you if he didn't think you could be a good mother to his children.

You need to show the children LOVE as if they are your own children. You need to provide for their need, and never say to them am I your mother, or please don't kill me if they do something wrong. Whenever, they make a mistake or did something wrong, call them in gently way and talk to them, and if what they have done is so bad, beat them and at the same time talk to them as if they are your own children.

Never leave your husband alone, no matter what, be there to help him to take good care of the children before you have yours, because, mother always have time for children more than father. Read the bible to them whenever you are together playing with them, especially the kids bible that have pictures that children loves. May the Lord help you.

I don't think your doing anything wrong and you are correct in saying they already have a mom. The worst thing you can do is trying to push your way into a "mom" role. I would just be there for them if they need you and just make it seem like a normal family with your husband. I would also suggest that you always talk about their mom in good ways even if you don't like her. Don't make the children feel like they have to choose one parent over another.

You're not missing a thing. If the kids already have a decent mother and father, your role is to simply do what you're doing and support the goals set forth by the children's parents.

What do you think the kids want..? Do they want you in there day ALL the time.? Do you think they need you more then you are giving them now..?

How old are they..?

Your not missing anything. It might be your friends thinking that you need to be there mom when you know that they have one and you are not it...Being a step mom is hard cause you do not know what you can do that will be ok with both parents..

Just do your best ....

i guess if u r playing ur role right and everyone around is happy then there is no need of listening to "unneeded and uncalled for advises" of stepping up and being a step mom. If I were you, I would surely ask the person telling this to explain it a bit further.

You're missing nothing.

You're never going to replace their mother, so all you need to do is do what you're already doing, and I'm sure they'll all love you, but they will always keep a special place in their hearts for their mother. Which is natural, you seem to be doing a good job!

Your doing great. Just provide for and love the children as you are already doing. The only thing I would suggest is this: Do not try to replace their mother (which I do NOT think you are guilty of). Good Luck.

The next time someone tells you to "step up and be a step mother" resort to calling that person Cinderella.