Matured men ONLY! I desperately want to know how he feels about me? I’m 25, he’s 40. pls read (it’s very long)

Your story is familiar. I am a 45 year old man, divorced, and I have been dating a 27 year old woman, also divorced. She is absolutely beautiful, very sexy, very intelligent, funny, everything about her is great. We have great chemistry, get along great.

I have one problem with our relationship, and I wonder if your guy is feeling the same thing: I do not want to hurt this young woman by getting old on her. I am planning and investing for my retirement, while she is thinking of her next career. I don't want to turn 60 and not be able to keep up with my still young and sexy fourty something wife. I don't want that, and I'm sure she doesn't either. Only thing is, I don't think she can - because of her age - think along those lines.

You are still growing, developing, getting to know yourself and your world, and you are looking at life differently than him. Life is different when you are looking downhill. When you reach a certain age, you start to think differently. It's hard to explain, since there was no way I could understand it when I was 25. It's not bad, it's just different.

So, talk to him. Ask him if he thinks he can have a long term relationship with you and if the age difference is the problem.

Of course, you might find out that it's not the age at all. Maybe he is actually very imature, and YOU are the one who is thinking things through more clearly (that is usually the way it is; women are generally smarter than us guys; another thing I've learned with age). SO, be open with him, be honest about your feelings, and expect the same from him. You are two adults and there is no use in waisting precious time and emotion in wondering, wating, agonizing, etc. Just talk to him like an adult. he can handle it. If not, he's not the guy for you.

Good luck. I hope things work out for you, whether with this guy or someone else.

Don't worry about the age gap. 15 years is nothing nowadays. I'm 39. And I wouldn't rule out a 25-year-old!

He sounds like he still has some personal issues that he's dealing with. How long ago was his divorce? Did he tell you anything about it? Was it messy? Did his ex cheat on him?

It really sounds like he has anxiety about risking to care about someone again, and that comes out as jealousy and keeping you at a distance. That is, he doesn't want to risk getting hurt again. The jealousy might also be explained by abandonment issues.

He just might need a lot more time to heal and get over the divorce before he can risk getting hurt again. It's a rollercoaster of emotion for him, which is why it seems fine one day/week/month but not the next. How long his recovery will be, who knows?

Girl...you are still living the fantasy you had while on vacation with this guy. Trust me...everyone shows their best sides in a lovely tropical vacation place like Hawaii where neither of you has a care in the world and doesn't think about problems back home. It's fairly obvious that he doesn't want to contact you any more and that every reminder you send him only serves to trigger new pain, at least for him (and eventually for you). And when you see each other so infrequently, it's easy to rekindle the flames of that vacation romance every time. Of course you miss him. Of course you want him. You want that "perfect romance" feeling back; who wouldn't? But it's obvious that it's worn off for him, so you'd do best to just let him go and find someone else...especially since you say yourself you don't want a relationship. Which means this thing obviously had to end sooner or later, so might as well be now.

Well… from what you said… he likes you, but from an age point of view, he may feel to old for you. I have friends that have turned that way because my age and theirs.

He may also see that younger guys are going to be hitting on you and he may feel he can’t compete with that. So he may be stepping down so he doesn’t get dumped by you.

Yes there is a big age difference, but if it bothers you this much, you may like him allot more then you realize. And from what he did and how he acted.. he likes you more then he is saying.

If you want to just date the guy and nothing else… talk to him… you two could have a real good time together.

hi.I am 44 and my oldest daughter is 21.Allthrough I would love to meet some one ,one day,I would never look for someone 15 years younger than me.In very few words,for an older man to have a young girlfriend,either permanent or casual is just an ego booster.I think he is playing you.Looking for a bit more fun if you happen to meet again.Thats all.Let him go and let him know you dont miss him.After all he be all pipe and slipers in a few years and you be still younger.Hope this helps.Of course the age difference is not the most important think in a relationship and some ,even with a greater difference can work.But I think he just wants a bit on the side and he is playing you.best of luck

Damn I gotta get a 25 year old girlfriend. If only my wife would let me. I could string her along like he is doing to you. I could have vacation sex on the first date. It would be like vacation every time we saw each other. I could lie about being divorced, since being so far away makes it really easy to hide stuff. A fling with a 25 year old babe would be great. Playing romantic games, fun as hell. Then as soon as she gets too serious, goodbye. Yeah, that's how it would be. Oh, yeah, I'm 42, a 25 year old babe would be sweet.

I think your obvious immaturity is acting like a monkey-wrench. You dont know how to communicate with him because you are normalized to two different cultural norms because of your ages.

I think he felt used when he saw your phone and the message. Your words are so much less powerful than your miscommunications through your actions. I dont think he can hear them.

When he is texting you, he is asking in guy-language "do you really like me, do you want to pursue something" and your replies are (unintentionally?) saying no.

You dont realize it, but what you have said and done for a long time communicates to him to go away, and all he is doing is obeying.

You dont have to pursue anything, all you have to do is stop pushing away, and he will show up pursuing you.

A 15 year age gap is an indicator for problems in a relationship for precisely the reasons you are seeing: cultural differences and miscommunication.

Your confusing great sex with love. It sounds to me like your nothing more than a bootee call when it is convenient for him.

I have a friend that was also 25 and on vacation in Hawaii, she met an older man. When she got home from vacation she had a Lexus and a Rolex waiting for her. One year later they were married and living in Seattle he bought her a health club, and that's that. A man in his 40's knows what he wants and if he hasn't made any effort to take you in a larger capacity than save your self respect and move on.

Listen - you're 25, he's 40. End it. He will always be 15 years older than you. It will take DECADES for you to be on the same page intellectually. Sure, It's all exciting and an emotional roller coaster ride now, but know what? In another 15 years you're going to be just hitting your prime and he's going to be signing up for AARP magazine. And by the time you're fully mature, he'll be old. Plain and simple. The age difference can be, is, and will be, a factor. Get with somebody MUCH closer to your own age. You can grow up together, sharing the same experiences at the same time.

Way too long read. If it more then 2 paragraphs, you've, my attention. But...I think you are jsut asking for trouble. Your 25 and largely still a carefree kid. He's a much older divorcee. I could not imagine what you could have in common besides in the bedroom. If you want my advice, find someone at least 10 years younger.