Vangorn2000

I'm using messenger through mail and it's telling me "All contacts are offline", however, I know that is not the case. I tested with a friend and they are able to receive the messages I send; however, I am not receiving any messages from them and no contacts are visible. Technical issue to be fixed, or is there something I can do? I've tried different browsers and changing my account password, but there is no effect.

A guy cleaning out his closet mentioned to his antique book-collector friend that he'd happened to throw out a lot of dusty old books in his process.

"There was one bible in particular I couldn't believe I kept." he said, "It looked so old it was almost like it was growing mold."

"What kind of bible was it?" asked the collector.

"Oh I don't know," the guy replied. "Goten or Gooten-something I think."

"You mean you threw out a GUTENBERG BIBLE??" the book dealer asked, incredulous. "How could you?? Didn't you know that those are so rare that one copy could sell for over 4 million dollars?"

The guy paused a moment, considering the implications, and then shrugged. "My bible wouldn't have been worth anywhere near that much," he said. "Some random guy named Martin Luther scribbled notes all over it."

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

When chemists die, they barium.

I swear, jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray. He's a seasoned veteran.

My friend is addicted to brake fluid. He can stop any time.

How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.

Stayed up all night wondering where the sun was...then it dawned on me.

A girl recognized me from the vegan club, but I don't think I've met herbivore.

I was reading a book about anti-gravity, and I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about a dictionary. It was a play on words.

The doctor's record said I had Type A blood, but it was a Type O.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

PMS jokes are NOT funny. Period.

The Indians were here first because they had reservations.

Got a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory today. Hope there is no pop quiz.

Energizer Bunny Arrested: Charged with Battery.

I really didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Best way to make Holy Water is to boil the Hell out of it.

Cataloged a dinosaur who had an extensive vocabulary. It was a thesaurus.

If you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

If a clock is still hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The baseball was getting larger, and I had no idea why. Then it hit me.

Broken pencils are pointless.

Cows don't go anywhere near deserts. And incidentally, why only the skull? Did the body die somewhere else?

I hope they listen to their users, because the sentiment is universally negative.

Here is the feedback link:

http://feedback.help.yahoo.com/feedback.php?.src=h...

Thanks.

Personally, I think it's absolutely horrible. It's hard to read, difficult to scroll though, hard to quickly scan to decide what you want to read, I hate that the center scrolls down and the sides do not, and even if you WANT to read the preliminary text, the gray on white background is difficult to discern.

I wholeheartedly think Yahoo should return to the previous home page format. What do you think?

I've not heard of a store that said their business was positively impacted and they made more money because they opened a few hours earlier. Seriously, the "doorbuster" deals always sell out in the first 10 minutes anyway, whether they are offered midnight Friday, the Thursday prior, or 7am Friday. I liked it better when 7am on Friday was the opening hour of the shopping season, and feel really sorry for the employees who have to work during their Thanksgiving dinner hour.

But seriously...does it have that much of an impact, and why?

For example, "Herod's Song" from Jesus Christ Superstar or "Master Of The House" from Les Miserables.

Any others?

A lawyer is driving by an old rundown house and sees a man, his wife, and two kids eating grass off the lawn. The lawyer stops the car and asks the man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We are so poor that we can't afford to buy food," said the man, "and this is all we can eat."

"Get in the car and come with me," says the lawyer, "I'll feed you."

The man asks, "What about my family?"

"Tell them all to get in the car, I'll feed them too."

As they are driving along, the man remarks to the lawyer, "I just want to thank you so much. So many people drive by, and you're the only one that has ever stopped to help us."

"It's not a problem, really." says the lawyer, "The grass in my yard is 10 feet tall."

Mary's husband was actually named John, and he was quite fat.

Surely, you must have heard of Round John Virgin?

OH SnaP!!

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol - Dead

The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead

Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead

Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation -

What did you learn from this demonstration?

Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,

'As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!'

That pretty much ended the service.

I watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes and thought, "wow, dogs are easily entertained!"

Then I realized I'd just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes...

When I woke up this morning, I was contemplating what my life was about. I found the answer was all over my bedroom.

The fan said, "Be Cool."

The roof said, "Aim high."

The window said, "See the world!"

The clock said, "Every minute is precious."

The mirror said, "Reflect before you act."

The door said, "Push hard to meet your goals."

The floor said, "Kneel down and pray."

And then my morning wood said, "Screw it all."

A small kid was practicing his bible verses when a rather large man stopped and asked him what he was doing. The kid said he was reciting bible stories and loved the truth in them. "Oh really," said the man, "and I suppose you think that the Jewish leader really threw sand over the whole ocean so the people could cross?" "No, you mean Moses", said the boy, "and he didn't throw sand, he parted the ocean on God's will!"

"And I suppose," said the man, "You believe the story of that little kid being thrown into a pit of kittens?" "Oh, you mean Daniel," said the boy, "It was fierce lions, not kittens! And God shut the lion's mouths so they wouldn't eat him and he escaped unharmed. I know it's true!"

"And do you really believe the story of the idiot being thrown to the shark for food?" "That was Jonah," insisted the boy, "and it was a whale, not a shark, and he really was saved!"

"But you know whales don't eat people," said the man. "Do you REALLY think that story is true?"

"Well," the boy replied, "I suppose when I'm dead and go to heaven I can ask Jonah myself if that story about him is true or not."

"And let me ask you one more thing boy," the man said, "Jonah was not exactly the most pious of men. Suppose he's not in heaven?"

"Well," pondered the boy, "If he's not in heaven, that would mean he's in..." and then the boy lit up.

"I've got it," he said, "YOU can ask him!"

Do you slip out of them just as a means of flirting and looking a little sexier?

Some doctor on TV this morning said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things I'd started & hadn't finished ... then I finished off a bottle of Tequila, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of vine, a pock of Prungles, 1/2 chesecke, boc a choclez. Yu haf no idr how fablus I feeel now. Plaese sned dhis orn to dem yu fee ar in ned ov iennr peasss .

There was a park which contained two statues, one of a nude man and another of a nude woman, who had been positioned facing each other for a long time. One deserted night, after the park had closed, an angel came and waved a hand and instantly brought both statues to life.

The angel told them, "As a reward for enduring so many harsh winters and blazing summers, I've granted you exactly 30 minutes of life to do whatever you wish with each other. Enjoy!"

The couple immediately ran off behind some bushes, where some rustling, giggling, and odd movements ensued. The angel waited patiently while this was going on, and the couple returned 15 minutes later.

The angel said to them, "You still have 15 minutes of life left. Perhaps you would like to do it again?"

"Shall we?" the man asked.

"Oh yes, let's!" said the woman eagerly, "Only this time we'll change positions! I can hold the pigeon down and you can poop on its head!"

Three blonds were walking across a field when they came upon some tracks. The first blond said, "Hmmm, I think those are elk tracks."

"No way," said the second blond, "Those are definitely deer tracks."

"They sure look like moose tracks to me." the third blond said.

They were still arguing among themselves when the train hit them.

But it doesn't end there...

A fourth blond, on being told this story, asked, "So what kind of tracks WERE they?"

They have other controversial articles besides this topic, often with tens of thousands of comments, but every time a gay issue article pops up, the comments inevitably close...sometimes immediately (as recently with their Imperial County article), sometimes after a few hundred or thousand comments. Why do this on such an important topic?