I've been considering divorce?

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Often, in my opinion, sexual withdrawal is as a result of something else entirely. Perhaps he is angry with you about something and cannot therefore commit to intimacy.

Or perhaps he is suffering from depression. He certainly does display some symptoms. I'm guessing if you asked him to go for solo counselling or to a doctor he'd say no? It would be so helpful if he sought help, if even just to rule out depression.

Or then again, perhaps it *IS* a sexual issue - is he impotent and trying to hide it (by avoiding sex)? Has he gained weight and is embarrassed in bed?

Or, unpleasant to contemplate, but worth considering, is he perhaps feeling too guilty to be intimate with you? An affair - either present or past? Could he be homosexual all this time and too afraid to come out?

I feel for you. Marriage can be so hard. Sounds to me like you are hurting right now (understandably) and feeling rejected and lonely as a result of his withdrawal. No wonder you're contemplating divorce. I hope you can find some answers.

If neither of you are willing to try counseling again, then it sounds like you are at an end. The only way to get over an impasse like this is to communicate effectively and often the only way to do that is by using a neutral third party like an therapist. You possibly had a sucky counselor before. I would try it again for the sake of your marriage. He needs to understand that counseling is HARD. You're not there because everything is hunky dorey in your marriage. You're there because there are some big issues that are tough and of course dealing w/ those things will hurt feelings. But you HAVE to learn to put ego, pride, and selfishness aside if you are to have ANY chance of letting therapy work.

hounestly, you are in a hard dicision i am going you the best advide i can think of,. its mostly up to you. how much do u love and trust him hes telling the truth. i hope the decioson u make will be the right one!!