give me your best JOKE?

A duck waddles into a bar and hops on a stool. The bartender, irritated, says, "What'll you have?"

The duck says, "Got any pickles?"

The bartender spits and says "We don't have pickles here, We serve drinks. Now get out!"

The duck hops off the stool and waddles out.

The next day, the same duck waddles into the same bar, hops on a stool, looks the bartender in the eye and asks, "Got any pickles?"

The bartender, irritated, says, "I told you yesterday we don't serve pickles here, we serve drinks, now GET OUT!"

The duck hops off the stool and waddles out.

The next days the same duck waddles into the same bar and hops on a stool, looks at the bartender, and asks: "Got any pickles?"

The bartender, infuriated, POUNDS his fist on the bar and yells at the duck. "I told you two times we don't serve pickles here, we serve drinks! If you ask me ONE MORE TIME, I'm going to nail your beak to the bar! NOW GET OUT!"

With that the duck shrugged, hopped off the stool, and waddled out.

The next day, the same duck waddled into the same bar, hopped on a stool, looked the bartender in the eye and asked: "Got any nails?"

The bartender, puzzled, said "No."

The duck then looked him square in the eye and said, "Got any pickles?"

Paris Hilton Just went to the Oscars in a gown she bought from Walmart, she won and later went to the GRammys where she also won, she celebrated by going to McDonald's to have a sandwich.

LMAO, like any of that could happen

This is not a joke ,but I will have to tell you a funny thing I saw this year.

I was sitting at the doctors office looking at my doctors diploma of medicine. I noticed that he has a funny middle name. His middle name is Childs. I was like omg that is pretty funny.

Now I think of Lady Fair Child on Mr. Rogers.

This may explain why he does not have a wedding band on his hand.

There were two women coming from another country to America on a ferry. The 1st woman said, "I heard they eat Dogs in America." The 2nd woman just shook her head and said, "We should try some." They reached America and they walked up to a Hotdog stand. "Two Dogs, please." Said the 1st woman. The salesman glady wrapped up the hotdogs in aluminum foil and gave them to the women. The 1st woman opened up aluminum foil, blushed, and looked at the other woman, and said, "What part did you get?"

Good Evening everyone I'm glad I could make it here tonight, take my wife please.

I take my wife everywhere but she always finds her way home.

My wife told me for our anniversary she wants to go somewhere she's never been before I said try the kitchen.

Ok so I took this from my friend but here it goes.

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A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.

They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and

all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were

killing each other over like 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the

game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the

quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!

What did the zebra get at victoria secret?

A Z sized BRA. LOL. ok well yea.. not really that funny but i just made it up on the spot

This man was walking w/ this guy.

Guy#2 Hey 3 brazillions died last night at the war!

Guy#1 wow that is bad!! how much is a brazillion

Just look at some of the questions around here and that should keep you laughing.

whats green,slimey and smells like pork? kermit the frogs fingers! LOL