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October Island

Falling asleep, I see 
I see a world of possibilities between you and me
The moon’s full tonight and that’s my favourite night of all
I love to stargaze and in the winter 
Amongst the ice I’m so cold
But I don’t mind because I will be the island in the snow
A bleeding heart, perhaps, but I am my own
In my October, my birthright month
In my October, land of opals

And in my October I am safe from the haze of summer
I am protected from the frigidity of winter
I am saved from the showers of April in spring
I sleep deep and love deeper in October
Because that’s where I’m home

I’m of October
I’m of the ocean
I am an island of my own devotion
An island unto myself and of no one else
I answer to no one else
Time to know myself 
Because the months are growing colder
The years are overlapping one another

You, who can but try to demean me
You are nothing but dust now, and see how you can weave Charlotte’s web
Dust in Autumn, season of all seasons

huggl · Accepted Answer

YES, but I do like a more metered poem.  Keep at it greatness may arrive at age 52 or 76, but will never get there if you don't write, accept critisism and write again.

gatesofgold · Answer

Dear Evanwhisper17,

                  I wouldn't even respond to this poem unless I saw potential. The trouble with most poets today is that 99% of it doesn't ryme,doesn't flow,or just makes no sense! I noticed some flow in yours, but it just lost momentum after a few lines.My advice is to read the old masters of poetry until you see how they made their poetry flow. Also, try ryming your poetry more often.Work hard and build on what skills you have.Try writing about trluy important matters, things of lasting importance; you will see how much even that improves all of your.Take care,good luck, and keep writing!


                                                                      Yours truly,
                                                                         Dan 
                                                                         a.k.a. gatesofgold

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Do You Like My Work?

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