What's your take on "open" marriages?

I have been married for 11 years, and we have been open at various times. It's complex and requires perfect communication and honesty skills from everyone involved, as well as perfect trust and a very solid knowledge of yourself, your needs, and your boundaries. If you have any sort of iffy-ness in any of those areas, it's a disaster. If one person is pushing for it and the other isn't sure, then it's not going to end well. If you are a jealous or insecure person, it's not going to end well.

Love is infinite - when you gain new friends, relatives, children, you do not subdivide the love already in your heart and redistribute smaller portions to everyone. You grow a new supply of love for the new person. However, TIME is NOT infinite. And relationships require time. If you cannot devote the amount of time needed to nurture all the relationships, some have to end.

I think it's a situation that works for some, but it definitely isn't for everyone. In the end, if people are truly happy in their relationship, that's all that matters.

Generally quite bad, but there are some exceptions...>>>>I'm using arranged marriages as an example<<<<< of a likely "open marriage" as many cultures, say, Japan, have compartmentalized arranged marriages where the wives almost never mate with the ASSIGNED husbands.

In arranged marriages "get along" stability inside the relationship is valued and sex is discounted and often met outside the relationship.

Families often get to meet families on the other side of the relationship and all the relatives work together to figure out if not only the couples but the families will work well together. And they do so away from the impulses and infatuations of love that may blind couples from making stable long-run decisions about marriage.

What this results in usually is two people coming together who are quite natural at "getting along with each other" and each other's families. These couples will often not fight and very rarely break up due to lack of high emotional content between them...in fact some stats say less than 5% of arranged marriages end in divorce.

THIS STATISTIC, HOWEVER, DOES NOT INDICATE WHETHER PEOPLE IN THE COUPLE STAY TOGETHER AND "CHEAT" OUTSIDE THE ARRANGED MARRIAGE OR NOT.

So basically, an open-sex marriage system works in providing a guarantee of a solid marriage and separating it from the instabilities of a "marriage involving sex".

However Western culture values excitement and passion over stability, so you get non-open marriages that are, say, 150% as exciting, but fail 50% of the time as people break up marriages often for the "right to have sex with other people while keeping ethical values".

It's all about what you want from a marriage that determines if an arranged and often open marriage will work...I like "risky" excitement to a fair extent, but I understand and respect that others don't.

To put it in another way, non-arranged marriages are like a single tech stock that can easily earn between -40% and 60 value...and arranged (LIKELY OPEN) marriages are like an index fund that can earn -3% to 15% value...it's all about how much risk do you want to take in return for possibilities of higher rewards.

SO OPEN MARRIAGES CAN BE GOOD ONLY IF THE COUPLE WILL GO BEYOND ALL MEANS TO STAY TOGETHER AND APPRECIATE EACH OTHER REGARDLESS OF SEX...IN THAT SENSE IT'S ACTUALLY "MORE STABLE" THAN A TYPICAL WESTERN "CLOSED SEX "MARRIAGE.

Its the people involved.... if one person has jealousy issues, don't have an open marriage, if you are 'open' to other people and you still want to be in a committed relationship, then you should. Once again, i think it is the people involved in the marriage that would decide to stay in the marriage, or end the relationship

I couldn't be in an open marriage, I don't share well with others. Thus never been in an open marriage. The one person I knew to be in an open marriage is now divorced.

Open marriages are disaters waiting to happen.It takes someone who is very trusting to be in a relationship like this.

I was in an open relationship once.it was the worst time of my life.At first things were great.Then came the feelings.I would want to go out to dinner and a movie.She would say.I am meeting the girls tonight and see what else I can get into.Pretty soon every other night another dude.

I got out of that real quick.If you are married and want to stay that way.Dont do it.It will cause some real jealousy and anger and resentment.I would say.No dont stray.

If you cant satisfy each others needs.Maybe you 2 need to open up the sex playbook so to speak.Learn to get creative and play games.Pretend to be different people.It can be fun.Trust me.

Good luck

I wouldn't be married, if it was going to be an open one. Personally, I think that people want to be single & married at the same time. I do know people that have an open marriage and to each their own, the couple that I know has been married for over 40 years, they don't call it an open marriage per say, but that is what it is,it is a financial arrangement. They have a few house together, they have planned for their retirement together, and etc. but the husband has a mistress and has the same mistress for at least 20 years. The wife knows her, and they are on first name bases. If she can't find the husband she will call for him there, she doesn't leave bc she firmly believes, she doesn't want him sexually any more, they have a relationship baised on traditions, and stability and she is okay with that. So again to each his own!

That's not a marriage. That's not even dating. It's immature and childish and wrong. People who have an open marriage are more likely to divorce because someone is going to get mad and not want to think about the partner they love in the arms of another.

I know a few people who tried this ,4 couples, one survived, but they "swing" as a couple, they do not do things seperately. Ultimatley in an open marriage, someone is going to be getting more than someone else and someone is going to get jealouse. And God has nothing to do with it, people make their own choices. God never intended lots of things, like the wars as well, but wow look at the world. People create their own destiny, not God

I guess if you like sharing the most intimate experiences with your husband and someone else too, with out ever getting jealous, it might work.

You will also have to be extremely cautious about sex with your mate. Since they're been with others, well, AIDS comes to mind.

Staying home one night by yourself so he can go out and have sex with someone shouldn't bother you or him if you do it. Seeing him have sex with a woman much prettier than you should never make you feel jealous.

I find the whole idea a waste of a marriage license.

The theory behind an open marriage is that both people understand going in that not everything last forever. This, to me, sounds like a negative expectation. Being a positive person, it would not work for me. Read the book, the first chapter starts out with all the negative reasons for this. BTW, the couple that wrote that book, are now divorced. Guess they got what they were looking for.