What's the difference between Calvinists and Lutherans?

The Calvinists speak French, eat frogs legs and have garlic on their breath and spend all their time in brothels, wearing berets and eating baguettes. Then they moved to Geneva and formed the United Nations and the Gnomes of Zurich.

The Lutherans speak German, goosestep in swastika formation, celebrate Oktoberfest and listen to lots of Rammstein. They invented the Zeppelin and are breeding a pure Aryan race.

The two men differed in their sacramental theology. Both Luther and Calvin used the words of institution to say that Christ was present in the elements of bread and wine.

Where they differed was in HOW Christ is present.

I may be oversimplifying this for you, but basically Calvin was saying that Christ is present spiritually. He reasoned If Christ’s body was present in the Eucharist He could no longer be seated at the right hand of the Father as the exalted Lord. For Calvin, believers partook of the body of Christ by faith and in so doing they were elevated to the heavens.

Luther stood by the words, "This is my body" to say that Christ was fully present since his natures divine and human are undivided and unlike Calvin (being spiritually transported to Christ's presence) Christ comes to us.

Calvinists are Reformed and Lutherans are chloroformed.

Lutherans aren't nuts and don't hold bogus 'scientific conferences' on Intelligent Design, nor do they invite Robert Waltzer to speak.

Calvinism is a system of theological beliefs.

Lutheranism is a Protestant Denomination.

Both follow false beliefs no difference

not much

since they are not catholic, they will both end up in the same place: HELL