What is the proper thing to do?

I'm VERY surprised that your friends didn't offer to pay for their part of the bill last year. Try sending out an evite from evite.com and word it like this:

"We'll be celebrating Katie's birthday at Maggiano's on Friday night, if you'd like to meet us up there we'll be there around 6pm."

Evite lets people RSVP so you know how many to reserve a table for. When you arrive, let the waiter know ahead of time that there will be seperate tabs, and he should ask as he takes everyone's order if they are separate or with the person next to them. Any experienced waiter will handle this well. You might want to inform the Hostess when you arrive to please let the waiter know that the bills will be separate.

If for some reason (maybe restaurant policy) you are not able to separate the bill, when it arrives at the end of the evening, look at it, put your cash in, then pass it to the person next to you and go on with your conversation. They will quickly get the hint.

Your birthday is close to Christmas so you can use that as an excuse. Tell them you're sorry but you think you will have to have the dinner at your house this year because Christmas has put your finances a little short. Tell them how disappointed you are about this because you had so much fun at your party last year. Maybe they will offer to pay for themselves. If not you could act like the thought just occurred to you and ask them if they could pay for their share. That would be the only way you could do it this year. Be sure you tell them repeatedly how you were looking forward to being with them again for your party. Good luck and Happy Birthday!

I'm with da3rdxsa on this one. If I'm invited to a party I expect to be a guest unless something else is clearly indicated.

I have no problem with any style of party-hosted, not hosted, potluck, BYOB, bring a side dish, or whatever- but you -as the host or hostess- need to be clear about what is the 'spirit' of your party. I rarely go to a party that is 'fully hosted'.

Doing this at a restaurant party is more awkward than doing it at home. It is not nice to poor-mouth people, but you could say something like: " We are celebrating Suzie's birthday at Fancy Pants on Friday night. We can't host everybody, but we would love to have you join us. Let us know if you can be there so we can make the reservations."

It seems to me that they were very rude in not offering to split the bill or at least get the tip, however, you don't want to repay them by being rude yourself. Get their opinion on where they would like to eat that way you can be sure they can afford it. Possibly ask them before the waitress arrives if they wanted to get to separate checks or just figure it out after the meal. A lot of times the waitress will ask when she first comes to the table and there's your opening. Good luck! It's a tricky situation.

Having to ask is embarrassing for you. They have been strange, not offering to pay for anything, so maybe try hosting your own party at home and when you send the invites, mark down "bring a bottle" on them. That's enough to indicate that the freeloading is over.

The only way to be polite about it is to tell them before ya'll go to dinner so they would be aware of it because it seems like ya'll are considerate people unlike them. or when you and ur husband finishing eating look at the tab and pay for what you and him eat and give a generous tip to the waiter/ress.

Let them know that this year you will be going dutch (everyone pays for their own meal). However, they might turn you down. If they do, find someone else who doesn't mind going dutch.

If you invite someone to a restaurant and don't say you want everyone to pay their own way, you shouldn't be disappointed when they don't offer.

I think it was rude of your friends not to at least offer to pay for their part. Just because they were invited to come to your dinner doesn't mean that they should have expected you to pay.

I'm not sure how the tactfully mention to your friends "Hey, don't freeload on us" but you can always just make it clear when you get there by saying "Do you think we should get seperate checks, or just divide it up at the end?"

How about having diner at your house, and you just order pizza. Pizza is always a great idea for any kind of party!

P.S.: I don't think it's polite to tell them to cover for their own meal. They're gonna bring you a birthday gift, after all, aren't they? Or not?

Just let them know that your money is kind of tight right now, and you won't be able pay for everyone, but you really like everyone to be there. If they are good friends, they should understand.