Yahoo Answers is shutting down on May 4th, 2021 (Eastern Time) and beginning April 20th, 2021 (Eastern Time) the Yahoo Answers website will be in read-only mode. There will be no changes to other Yahoo properties or services, or your Yahoo account. You can find more information about the Yahoo Answers shutdown and how to download your data on this help page.
Trending News
have a read see what you think?
The tracks of my tears (Part One)
Simple anniversary meal,
My friend, my lover,
Trying to keep the ember of our love alive,
Though we both feel it shall never recover.
Your favourite meal of duck,
Time honoured familiarity,
Safe in that married, bond, rut,
No longer do we share any similarity.
The pills I take,
To cure my unspecified ill,
Shake my core when needed least,
I retire …………..my innards spill.
Cleaning,
Humilitating,
You don’t even ask,
Your face cold, as always…. unstimulating.
Angry words,
The same tired words long worn out now,
Sparks quenched and only friendship remains,
Public place cannot shout, mustn’t row.
Tried to listen,
These long hard won years,
Now I hear…at last….you don’t love me,
So begins the tracks of my tears.
It is from my personal life from years ago, but it's more a record than a rant!
it was afirst stab really.
here's substituted verse after looking at comments
Time honoured familiarity absent,
Your sacred favoured meal,
No longer sharing our single goal,
Safe in that married, bond and seal,
12 Answers
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Wow! That is unbelievable! Every word sinks in as you read it!
It is a sad realisation but absolutely brilliantly worded!
Star!
- 1 decade ago
I will concentrate on one verse
"Your favourite meal of duck,
Time honoured familiarity,
Safe in that married, bond, rut,
No longer do we share any similarity."
Duck and rut are an awkward, rough rhyme, and I challenge anyone who has ever heard or read a limerick to hear a love poem with the word Duck at the end of a line and NOT think of a certain four letter rhyming word.
Work on that.
EDIT - I like the change. Good poem overall. Star
- pumpkinheadLv 41 decade ago
It is well-written, but sad. A tale of a couple going vacantly through the motions, but without the warmth that was once there. Love cooling off. Sad, but I liked it.
Yes, I agree with Mr. Van Jessup, duck doesn't flow. There is a harshness to it. Maybe fowl would would work better, given the double meaning (foul)... Work on that one section and it will be perfect.
***I like the new part!
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I only hope that it is not your misery you are writing about. Otherwise it is good, but need a little work on it. Some words like duck and rut are out of place with the other verses. In general good, but i think with a little intention you can get better................. Good luck.............
- How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I have to review poetry for a living and ive gotta tell you that the world aint ready for you yet. 15 year olds are sending me better stuff. You are trying to hard.
Source(s): The Silent Pen - BangbangbangbangLv 41 decade ago
Wow. Is that from personal experience?
I like the planned pauses in certain poignant lines.
- honeypot0214Lv 41 decade ago
i think you have some talent.It seems as if you might be telling of yourself.If so you would be great doing a memoir.Just my opinion but nevertheless you have potential.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
thats really good, i write poetry and im trying to get my poetry published...
