Why do men think the phrase "being a man" refers to sex when it really refers to maturity?

I don't know - This is new to me. 'Being a man' is usually an attack at the person's character when they're not doing what someone wants, and so they're shamed into doing what is wanted. I know this because of my ex wife's family. Of course, all the men in her family (i.e. brothers) were excempt from any shaming as they could do no wrong... even after one of them screeched in my daughters for 15minutes about what a ***** she was, as the so-called mother (of my ex) sat by and did... nothing.

When I hear 'be a man', it does not mean sex or bills - it means 'do what i want'.

To clarify - I do not mean do as *I* want, I mean the woman using the phrase (and men but less frequently) are using it as shaming language so you will bow to their expectations and demands. My ex used to use it commonly against me because I did not bend instantly to her will. This level of attack being only one minor weapon in her arsenal of power games.

You don't know as much as you think you do. Get off the high horse, and get a reality check. Where did you ever get the idea that "a lot of guys" believe that "to be a man", they have to be sex-orientated all the time? Either you need to get out more, or you're spending a lot of time in places that no real woman would ever lower themselves to go to. The reason you get the response from some men,( and I don't believe you when you say it is a common response), is because you have no business telling a man what it takes to be real man. The values you list as the criteria to be a real man is something that, contrary to what you think, most men already know and already adhere to. Just ask your dad's family.

Is it really up to a woman to define what "being a man" is all about? If I were to say to you, "REAL women (fill in the blank)" would you take such a comment kindly? So if you make such statements, perhaps you are annoying or irritating the man in question. After all, you can say the same thing without bringing up someone's manhood. "Good people don't pick on little old ladies." "Being a responsible adult means you have to pay your bills on time." Unzipping wouldn't be my idea of a clever comeback if you made such a comment to me. But I'm sure I wouldn't be happy about it. You are, of course, entitled to your own views of whatt "being a man" is all about. But please don't try to impose them on me.

Edit: I accept that women have been labeled by men (and other women) throughout history. As such, I would think that a strong confident woman such as yourself would understand that to do the same thing to men is of no value. As my very wise mother used to say - two wrongs don't make right.

And the fact that you believe that men are not doing a good job in talking to each other and/or providing proper instruction to their sons still does not give you the authority to impose your definition of manhood on me and other men. Are you truly surprised that your provocative question has elicited some indignation ? Being so confident in what you "know" about men at the age of 31 is not necessarily a good thing. You might want to maintain a little openness for a few more years.

1st of all: Who are you to define what a real man is? Are you an authority?

2nd: Good people don't pick on little old ladies, not only real men

3rd: So if I am poor, im a "false man"?

4th: faking an unzip is rape? So when you go topless is it rape too? come on!

5th: responsibility, not bullying, and confidence are not just manly traits. Women can have them too you know.

6th: I have yet to meet a man who thinks that being a man means having sex.

I think the people you are referring to are only a very small percentage of men. Most know it means to behave like an adult, rather than a child.

Because there are guys out there who are disgusting.

Our society is SO saturated with porn, alot of boys growing up today are going to have a real skewed perception of women. Sometimes it's unfortunate being a woman, because alot of ppl would dismiss us as weaker beings put here to serve men....

Thank goodness that I'm into women....

I think because you are shaming these men into being what you refer to as a man, then they are offended and showing you something, in a way that will get rid of you. Either that or they say shut the F up, who the hell are you to define what I do.

edit

Consider your bubble popped. You are being a jerk.

To your last question: Men have thought that since the beginning of time. Remember most of their thoughts are of a sexual nature. Everything just about gets referred back to sex. However, to be fair to them I have to say if you say these things when they are doing wrong as you say then they would feel picked on and you know how their ego is....so they retaliate because their precious ego has been hurt. And this is the best they can come up with instantaneously. Remember their not as intelligent as us. lol. Oops sorry to you men folk!

Personally, I don't think you defined "man".. Look it up in the dictionary, people. One of it's meanings is "an adult male". Some us just prefer that you act that way.

I am totally on board with the Jessie Jackson comment.

They often refer to that area as their 'manhood' which is stupid because as you said being a man means you should take responsibility.

Personally I think it works better if you tell them they aren't acting like an adult.