Should I leave off, or keep trying to motivate myself to fight for yet another day?

Yeah it downright sucks doesn't it?

And people, having the bloody nerve to go and find Jesus, for crying out loud, depression is a mental illness, not anything to do with lack of faith.

Anyway dear fellow sufferer, I'm struggling with major depressive disorder and have been abused as a child and threatened too, so if you'd like to have a grumble about things, no holds barred and no sappy bs, please feel free to email me.

People who haven't been through this truly do not understand and platitudes are just that.

Can I ask if this threat or retribution if i speak up, is a fact or a fear you live with because of what was said to you from 3 to 17.I only ask because if it is based on what was said to you by your abuser, I think this is your starting point. Its very very hard sometimes to even know where to begin when there is so much to consider, we get lost in the whole episode as one, but you have to break it down and in breaking it down we are able to find a starting point.

To heal, if that is the correct term, we need to deal with everything, and we need to know where to begin.You need to as you put it "sever yourself" and this is a good turn of phrase to use.In order to do that you need to know where to start. I suggest you start with the fact that if this threat was made in the past but is no longer been made,this is what you need to rid yourself from. If this is the case,You are in no danger from your abuser now physically only mentally. I dont use the word only mentally lightly either. Any form of mental abuse is just as bad as physical and can often take longer to sever from than the physical side of it.You see yourself as contaminated, you are not ok, you can do this, you do not need to lock yourself in this misery for the rest of your life.The fact that you put this out here is a start, I presume you have had at some point some sort of therapy. I suggest going back to this but with one who deals alone with your kind of case, not one that is a general mental health worker. You need someone who deals in only this kind of case.

So my advice is break this down and find a starting point, it makes it a lot easier and it helps you see the wood for the trees so to speak.

My heart goes out to you and for been so honest, that can not of been easy for you.I hope this has been of some help. If not I am sorry and I truly hope you find the answer to your question.

You sound like you have a mental disorder. And sweetie what was the mess? i don't like to be nosey but you need to talk to someone you trust. Wife? family? friends? Kids?

This is a very serious matter, do you ever hear voices in your head? If so you need to be a man and go to a doctor.

Yes. you can relax. Relax with a book and some smoothing music and talk to god. if thats what you believe. I dont really believe in him, But you can.

I hope you get some help.

Ellie

x

As somebody in the same exact boat, I don't think there's much I can tell you. You have something telling you not to go through with suicide, and another part of you who just wants to be done with everything. Which one is worth listening to? Nobody else is going to be able to decide for you, even if you think they can. That isn't what it comes down to.

Best wishes, I hope you find happiness one way or another.

Its ok! i think of you have finished very o.k.! it somewhat is rather hard. Like something you do no longer fairly prefer to do, like artwork, it somewhat is rather hard to maintain your self inspired for the time necessary. Its so hard to confirm the top of the line yet you already know its an prolonged way off. Its like revision, by no ability are you able to assert, maximum appropriate I even have finished that, now we could circulate on by using fact there is often some thing greater you have finished. yet we can all basically do lots. So attempt working at it in days. Dont seem on the burden loss plan plan as an entire, only think of on a on a daily basis foundation what your going to do to objective your appropriate. I continuously locate that having a purpose motivates me. think of of a few guy or woman who you're doing it FOR. possibly its your self...? yet only save that guy or woman in concepts and whilst instances get tough only think of which you would be permitting them to down in case you do no longer do it and your sturdy sufficient t save on. they are going to be so pleased with you and you'd be so lots greater satisfied! circulate ON! you're able to do IT! PUSH via! ^_^

i want to take another approach to this, stick with me on this please! i would like to know what is illing you. but, that might be asking too much. are you manic? has a doctor diagnosed you with depression? i think you shoudl seek professional help. but, that might drive you to the bridge again. so if you like fish, you might want to try a fresh water fish diet. the omega 3 fatty acid decrease depression. if it is not a chemical embalance, than you should find a program that helps your current situation. i know sometime when males feel overwhelm with money problems or just not supported and love they tend to lean to the suicide side. life will get better!! sometime you just need to find a friend to talk to. someone that is not a profession and one that you know will not tell what you are telling them. or try going on a annonymous chatline and talk to strangers it will help you cool off. if it is a attention thing, than try something dramatic like i am going to jump talk me down. that is something you can do on a phone chat line. girls are suckers they will talk you down all the time. i am not encouraging you to act out. but look me up if you would like a phone chat line number i have alot. i am just running through all the reason i could think that one would want to kill themselves. forgive me if i have offended u. got to go. later and cut that out weep may come by night but, joy cometh in the morning.

Don't sever urself from the mess. U gotta clean it up, then u will get to move on fluidly.

my heart goes out to you, what a truly hopeless situation you find your self in.....i dont think there are the words to anyway help you feel any better about this....but i just wanted to pass this to you.....would you try anything to try and end this pain? would you try this for me....it sounds a little crazy but i beg you to give it a go....its called EFT...please please check out the website im going to give you and search for anything you can relate to 'suicide'...'abuse'....anything.....search for being a beginner or google 'a beginners guide to EFT'....please please dont dismiss this.....i have used EFT on 'suicide' and been successful....i have used EFT on schizophrenia and been successful....on mental torture, horrific memories the lot....ive used it and come out the other end......Good luck to you my friend....if you are prepared to give this a try and need any advice or help please just email me X www.emofree.com