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I think i want a divorce?
i have been married for two years. my husband and i dated for 3 before we married. we have 3 children one whom is not his biologically but he takes care of and is the only father figure shes ever known. we have a 3 yr old and a 1 yr old. my husband works 6 days a week and is VERY dedicated to his job. i think a little too dedicated. the reason i have been thinking of divorce is the fact that his parents rely on him so much. i had no idea how dependent his parents where of him. neither of them drive or even supposedly know how to dial the phone. today is the first day we have had off together in well over a month and guess where he is. taking his mother to the grocery store. he is a middle child of 6 and the oldest son. he has three older sisters. we have the youngest children and he works more then any of his other siblings. no one seems to understand how i feel. i have talked to him about this more then enough times and have finally given up. i love my him but i cant do this anymore
i should add that my husbandis hispanic and i am caucasion. i speak very little spanish and his parents speak very little english. i work almost 40 hours a week and have offered to help only to get turned away. no one knows of my feelings except my hubby and i have been nothing but nice and respectful to his entire family. we all get along but i have this issue with him and its really killing me
my hubby is not a cheater....i was waiting for one of those comments. if i was concerned at all about that divorce wouldnt be a ?? it would be happening
24 Answers
- atamanLv 41 decade agoFavorite Answer
Well in this situation, a divorce may not be the best solution. I completely see where you are coming from and understand why you feel the way you feel. I know it is hard, but try putting yourself in your husband's position. He sounds like he is truly a good guy and trying to do the right thing...and hard part is, when your job demands your attention, as well as your spouse and children, and then also your parents...how do you ever truly choose who comes first?? Work is important because it pays the bills :- ), so you can't really do anything about that. How do you neglect your parents, the people who raised you and made you the person you are (whether you have siblings or not), and then there is your family, and no denying that there is undying love for you and your children. In this situation, you just kinda have to pick who you think will be the most understanding...and it looks like he choose you! I am sure it is hard not spending time with him and your children. I have little ones at home too, so I also know how much work that small children are, and you yourself probably just feel like you need a break/time away too. If you are upset with your husband you may be also "adding" to his stress and he may not want to come home and listen to other "problems", so he is trying to avoid them. Something will need to be changed because you have a right and deserve to have a great relationship with your husband. Are you close with the other siblings? Maybe you could call and talk to them and get them to help out more. If not, there is not much you can do in that situation except maybe go along when your husband is with his parents...I am sure they would love to see the grandchildren. Above all, his parents are only here for a short time and you DO NOT want to be the person whom your husband blames for not being there or not doing all that he could to help his parents! Why not take this time to enjoy spending time with your children? Instead of being upset with your husband, I am sure your children pick up on this, why not have dinner and movie night, have a game night, play with your children and tuck them in at night, and then when your husband does finally make it home, enjoy what little time you have with him, don't spend it upset or fighting with him. When it comes down to it, you want a divorce because your feel like you are not getting anytime with your husband and ideally that you are not "first" in his life right now, but if you really do get a divorce then you are really going to be by yourself (not that there is anything wrong with that!) and you will be sharing custody of your children, and I am sure you don't want that either. Maybe talk to your husband about couseling?? If not, try improving how you feel about the situation first, if you are more understanding and patient, and enjoy the time you have, your more postive attitude will hopefully reflect to your husband and he will seek change for the situation also. Your feelings are important and should come first, but sometimes, it is hard for a husband's to understand this...they just view you as being selfish...that's a man for you :- ) Good Luck with whatever you decide to do!!
- Anonymous1 decade ago
It sounds like you are just going through a rough time right now. I don't think this should be a reason for divorce. Maybe you could talk to one of his sisters and ask her to help out. Or your husband to talk to his other siblings and set a schedule for who helps the parents different days. Another suggestion would be to go with him when he is helping his parents. Your help would let him get finished faster and it would give you an opportunity to be together, even if its not your ideal situation. It sounds like you have a very sweet and caring husband. Do you really want to give that up?
- Jack BentLv 41 decade ago
get a therapist, spell it out that your hubby is married to work and then to taking care of family...to the point of dialing madre's phone for her and doing her groceries, etc.
bring hubby in, so therapist can tell him some good solution, like getting other siblings to pitch in and finding balance betwen helping padres but not neglecting wife or this going to end the marriage
Maybe you can find a certain day he goes over and helps and work on including you if you want
Then you have certain weeknight(s) and weekend day(s) where you guys arrange to spend quantity and quality time together.
*Is good hubby helps rents but if he enables and doesn't teach them (and a little tough love if need be) this isn't good.
My g/f's mother is from foreign country and she saw her American hubby as meal ticket and wanted him to do everything and claim she no understand pump gas, etc.
Well, he's old now, and she was talking suicide if he dies because she is clueless how to do things. My g/f/ told papa don't keep fishing with her, teach her to fish or you set up trouble. It's never to late too learn, though the spoiled/lazy may throw more temper tantrums and victim position. Just ignore and try to lovingly teach. If they don't want to learn, gee they go without groceries for a day, then maybe they want to agree to learn to use public transportation or drive a car..
- mentoLv 44 years ago
A freedom or a maximum appropriate is a state granted permission to do some thing interior of a undeniable skill that they later set with courtroom circumstances. it somewhat is a comedian tale. All of politics is a comedian tale. Telling somebody they are allowed to be loose isn't genuine freedom and is even worse being a finished perversion of what a maximum appropriate or freedom somewhat is.
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- Anonymous1 decade ago
I'm Hispanic,,married to a Caucasian. The traditions and culture can be obstacles in our bi-cultural home. Communication and compromise is needed here. Your husband will not change his attitude for his parents. We are thought to be like that,,to honor them until they are no longer here. But that doesn't mean your husband should ignore your ideals and views about it. Don't give up on your marriage, specially for a reason like this. I understand you are frustrated, but things will get easier. Talk to him,,plan a get away, tell him how serious this is,,,,look for other solutions, but please don't brake your beautiful family....good luck.
- 1 decade ago
I am sorry to say that he is very unlikely to change this behavior because he would have a grat sense of guilt if he did. Maybe you could take some of his load of caring for the parents while he is working to free up more time after work for your family. i think it sounds like a very tiring and complicated situation but he wont have his parents forever and if he is great in every other way maybe it is worth trying to bond with him while helping him care for his parents. i really do feel for you but it is probably his great sense of responsibility that came from caring for helpless parents that makes him such a good father to your children.
- misstsukinoLv 51 decade ago
I would try marriage counseling first. Maybe there's reasons he's not willing to talk about that is making him do this. Maybe he is doing it to get away from home. It could be possible that this is his escape from home. Maybe you're nagging him when he gets home or maybe the kids are too much for him. There's also the chance that he could be cheating. Unless you can verify that all of the work and time he spends with his parents he truly is spending doing what he says.
- snowdropLv 41 decade ago
I don't think divorce is a way out in this situation. He will not stop helping his parents but you can hurt yourself, your kids and your financial situation too. divorce is very long and hard procedure. Even people who do not love each other get depressed. You love your husband as you say, how can you even think about divorce?
- 1 decade ago
all i can say is you can go ahead and get the divorce if that will make you happy but i dont think you have any problems that cant be solved.
yes i understand what you are saying but then again how would you feel if you son\daughter stops doing things for you just because of their spouses.
they his parents , they raised him and if they want his help i think he should be there.
- blujelloLv 51 decade ago
Stick it out. Continue trying to communicate with him. People and marraiges are constantly evolving... the same will be true for you, your husband, and your marraige.
Think positive thoughts, take positive actions, and be a positive force in the world around you and your world will change for the better.
Good luck to you and your family.