Coping with Married Friends?

I can relate!!

I've come to realize that some of my friends do have time to hang out, they just don't like to hang out with their "single friends" anymore, it's like you're some sort of disease.

I think it happens when they are still immature in their marriage and feel like it should be "exclusive" (as if you had to make reservations to see them !!).

BUT, I've also noticed it's better to stay friends when you are already friends with both parties in the marriage, not just one.

I'll give you an example, two of my friends are married to each other (for about 6 years now), and my parter of 4 1/2 years and I enjoy spending time with them, and we do so often (about 1-4 times every 2 weeks). No problems there.

But then another friend of mine recently got engaged and moved into a nice house with her fiancé (so happy for her!). Suddenly, spending time with her became a bit forbidding, and getting her on the phone is futile. I see her about once a month, if I'm lucky.

So there you can probably see the two sides: the 6-year married couple who are both friends - no problem there. But the recently engaged friend whose fiancé I don't know very well? Off the friend list.

Again, I really think it has to do with their maturity level within the marriage itself. You can corroborate this the next time the-friend-who-never-calls-you suddenly wants to hang out and it turns out she and her husband had a fight. Bingo.

I'm a married woman now and I actually do have a child so I can't give exact advice being my situation is similar/different. But I miss my friends terribly....I call them, they call me, we all get caught up in life in general. It's never anything personal at all, but I myself just get busy. I get home late from work (6 pm) and have to cook dinner, do the dishes, laundry, etc. By the time I sit and relax it's about 9 pm and the last thing I want to do is talk on the phone.

It always seems that the good times for my friends to talk to me are when I'm most busy and vice versa. But that's the best thing about true friends....you can pick up where you left off at any given time. And because you're close/best friends, it's okay! That's why these people are my best friends because they're great and understanding.

My husband and I talk often about not knowing enough couples to go out with. Or to even do things with. We don't have a lot of money so we can't really go out to dinner and it sucks for us to stay home sometimes but that's life.

I guess my best advice is that although it might be tough, maybe plan ONE day out of a month and everyone sticks to it. That's a lot easier to commit to when you plan it same time every month. And maybe you want more than that, but it's true that sometimes life just gets in the way. So you deal the best you can with what you have to work with....

I can understand completely! Some of my friends do the same thing! There isn't a way to get them out if they don't want to and don't beg either "not saying you do" but they are just to stuck up there husbands butts to care. They will get around to you when "they want" to hang out. Or get mad at there husbands.

You should pursue the hobbies you find fascinating and pick up friends along the way. Perhaps they will be your old friends who are interested in your fresh enthusiasm to break up the monotony of their lives or maybe they will be new friends who share your passions.

Either way, the key lies with you. Keep reaching out.

"Set yourself on fire for something you believe in and people will come from miles around to watch you burn!" - John Wesley

sorry... thats the way life goes.. it happens all the time..