Muslims: Are we being good husbands or wives as Islam has taught us?

Islam has put great stress on the relationship of husband and wife. It has clearly laid down the respective rights and obligations to avoid confusion and complication in this regard.

The basis of husband-wife relationship is love and compassion. In this regard the Quran states:

"And among His signs is this that He has created mates from among yourselves, that you may live in comfort with them, and he has put love and compassion among you (husband and wife). Surely in that are signs for those who think" (30 : 21).

The role of husband normatively revolves round the principle that it is his solemn duty to Allah to treat his wife with kindness, honour and patience, to keep her honourably or free her from marital bond honourably, and to cause her no harm or grief (Qur’an, 2 : 229-32 and 4 :19). The wife’s position has been explained in the Qur’an by saying that : -

"Women have similar rights over men as men have over women" (2 : 228).

The husband in Islamic law is under obligation to maintain her wife. Maintenance includes the wife’s right to lodging, clothing, nourishing, care and well being. The wife has a right to enjoy all these things according to her status and according to capacity of her husband.

The wife, however; loses her right of maintenance, according to the unanimous opinion of the Muslim jurists, in case of Nushuz, that is her hatred or defiance of husband or her attraction to another person.

In case of husband’s recalcitrance to maintain wife, the law enforcement agencies are required to enforce maintenance. The majority of Muslim jurists also allow the wife the right to seek divorce in such a case. If she wishes so, the court must comply with her request and grant her the divorce.

The wife has also the right to receive dower from the husband at the time or in consequence of marriage. The dower is a gift of husband to his wife. This symbolises an assurance of economic security from the husband towards wife. The amount can be big or small depending on mutual agreement and economic condition of the two parties. This is, however; no price of sexual enjoyment. This can not be so because sexual enjoyment is not a one-sided affair. (Ref: The Family Structure in Islam, Chapter 3, by Hammudah Abdul Ati, American Trust Publications).

The main obligation of the wife as a partner in a marital relationship is to contribute to the success and blissfulness of the marriage as much as possible. She should be attentive to the comfort and well being of her mate. The Quran mentions good wife as "comfort of eyes" (25 : 74).

The husband has been stated by scholars as the head of the family in Islamic family system ( infact, Qur’an itself has declared him Qayyim, which stands for manager, unit head, provider and protecter). It is the duty of all family members to obey him in lawful matters. However; Islam has enjoined on all Muslims to manage their affairs (which includes family affairs) by mutual consultation. However; in case of disagreement, the head of the family should be obeyed.

Husband alone has the right of sexual intimacy with wife. The wife must not allow any other person to have access to that which is exclusively the husband’s right. Wife has similar right in this regard.

Islam has given the correct principles and instructions regarding rights and obligations of husband and principles, if obeyed in true spirit, would ensure and social life instructions wife. These principles, if obeyed in true spirit, would ensure better family and social life.