Why is it he always makes me feel like I am the crazy unreasonable one.?

Their father has created a new family for himself. That new family, and integrating the children you have together into his new family when they are with him, is HIS responsibility. If his new family has activities, including this gift exchange, it is his responsibility to make certain the children participate. It should be a fun, enjoyable activity for your daughters and their father. Buying presents for his new family is not your responsibility. It makes me wonder if his new wife has called the father(s) of her 4 children and told them they are responsible for buying gifts for your children. Ridiculous. If this is something he and his new wife are doing to try to create an integrated family, they should be taking all six children shopping.

It doesn't sound to me like your concern is the expense, but rather the unreasonableness of his demand. I disagree with those people who thought your response to him was "sarcastic" or snarky -- that sounds like a very reasonable reply. He got huffy and hung up because he knew he was in the wrong on this one.

It's good of you to take your daughters shopping. Try to make it an enjoyable experience for them. Just hope that they know these other children and their tastes -- because it sounds like there's no way you could! Hmpf. Another thing their stepfather should know better than you -- and he should have been directing your daughters in their purchases for these other two kids.

He probably makes you feel like you are crazy and unreasonable, because you are a responsible person -- and your irresponsible ex knows which buttons to push.

Bonnie...listen dear...your ex shouldn't be able to MAKE you feel any certain way...good or bad. YOU decide internally how you will feel and react to anything he or anyone else does or says. Yes, I think it was crappy that he didn't take the girls shopping when he knew they needed to go, but I don't agree with you assuming that the 4 step kids aren't with their Mom because of her poor mothering abilities. What do you KNOW (seen with your own eyes and heard with your own ears, not heresay) of the situation? Her ABILITIES could actually be superior to yours, but maybe she's not interested in being a mother. One could argue that she shouldn't have had children, and I would agree with that, but I can't say that her abilities are lacking just because her PRIORITIES don't involve her children. That's like telling someone to stop driving because auto accidents are the 3rd most likely activity to cause death. Is it realistic to have people just stop driving? No, it's not. It's not realistic to expect people to have the same priorities as you do for your children either...no matter how frustrating it seems to you.

Make the decision to be happy, and don't let what others do or say affect you. THEN, you'll maintain your level-headedness and won't FEEL like someone is MAKING you feel crazy or unreasonable...you'll KNOW that you're being perfectly sane and reasonable. Good luck! :)

Well, I think that it should be his responsibility for him to take care of the shopping for a gift exchange that involves his family - it doesn't seem to me that you really need to have any involvement with his new stepkids, including purchasing gifts for them. I certainly wouldn't expect my husband's ex-wife to be shopping for me, or for my children, if I had any prior to entering the new relationship!

On top of that, it seems like assisting his children in shopping for his step-children would be a good bonding moment, and a chance for him to learn about their likes and dislikes, and share what he knows about the likes and dislikes of the other children.

However, kudos for taking the girls shopping for their sake, and for the sake of the other children, and not getting stubborn on the principal of the issue even though it is crazy!

HE should be buying the gifts. Its ridiculous to expect you to buy for his new family. I would tell him you will not be buying for his wife's children and that he needs to do the job for the reasons you've already stated. Just mail a note to him. Or mail it to his wife. She will make sure her daughter's feelings are not hurt. If you buy this Christmas, you will be buying every Christmas/birthday. Id be mad too. I always took my kids to buy a gift for their dad (for their sake) but I never bought for the new wife or her child.

Hi

I am a father and i am divorced, i would never ask me ex to get a present for someone in my new family, that is just wrong in so many ways. You should let him know if he does not get the present for her to give then she will not be going.

First of all, as the woman, you should try to be the bigger person and don't get an attitude. It sounds as though you were the one who started this by getting a little sarcastic.

I would have hung up on you too.

The two of you have the commonality of having children together. You will need to communicate whether you like it or not as long as your children need you...which is forever! Don't let petty things cause quarrels and bad feelings. You're not hurting anyone but the kids. Even if you have to grin and bear it...it's for the kids sake. What's more important than that?

because its a trick they try to use to turn the truth from themselves, when they are actually the one doing It!! I see why he is an Ex, good for you!

You are taking the bull by the horns and taking care of your girls...good for you....dont let his being a jerk affect them!!!

Dont let him get to you..thats what hes trying to do.....the best thing you can do is not to let on that anything he does bothers you...it becomes not as much fun for him.....I didnt say it was easy to do...just that it makes him doing it less fun for him!!!!

It is definitely his responsibility. He shouldn't even expect you to go get gifts for his new family's event. You should still let him get the gifts himself.

If he expected you to pay it is only fair he discuss this with you before getting the kids involved.

omg! I'm sorry but what a jerk! How dare he ask you in the first place. You are a very nice person by the way, and no! you are not crazy.....