to Ladies but all may answer , How would you feel about raising a child not yours as your own ?

That's a SAAAAAD story if you ask me!

I don't want to sound judgmental, so I beg of anyone's forgiveness if that's what I'm doing, but how is it the man loves her two kids as his own, and she has her kids with her most days or all days, but she cannot be open to the idea of the fact his daughter visits him ONLY once a month! And she is dang lucky, because forgive me, but the average guy does NOT want to be bothered with women who has kids. And she knew about his daughter before marriage!

Myself, because I have a child, I would feel like it's wrong if I'm not willing to date a man who also has kids. That's just me, I'm not going to press my opinion on anyone. I can not only love the man's kids as my own, but I would enjoy having them around and hope to develop a close enough relationship where they would want to call me mom instead of my name. It would not bother me if his kids were with him most days or every day. And I would not let the ex of his chase me away no matter how much castrophe she causes because then she would win the day instead of me. If I was with the guy you mentioned, shoot, I'd consider myself the luckiest woman on earth! ( Provided he was just as good a spouse as a stepdad).

But then, I am wanting more kids someday, even if it means being a step-parent. But my step-kids has to be young enough to be my kids.

Finding a man to love your kids as your own is not easy these days. Women are far more open-minded about dating single fathers than men are about dating single mothers. I don't mean any offense to you, because I do know not all men are the same, and I have respect for you, and there are LOTS of guys who are like the one you mentioned in your question.

Excellent question!

wow,

she's being quite selfish there...

The first thing to do is to have a private conversation together to straighten things out and express how you feel about this matter to her. (Don't bring up the fact that you don't mind her kids cause it would seem like you're using it as an excuse for her to do the same and a nonsense issue will arise.)

Tell her as much as you love her, so too, you love your child and that you need to balance your life to accommodate everyone whose involved in it by spending time with each and everyone. Just tell her the child is yours and you're the only father she can ever have so you need to make a time with her worth while so that your child grow up not only knowing her father but who he truly is and is about. Every parent need to spend at least half a day with their child to help them grow and children are influenced by their surrounding. This is your child and this lady can't change that, if she can't see things for how and what they are then both of you really need to have another look at your relationship from a new perspective. If nothing can be changed, then this relationship becomes questionable! She should be understandable however since she has children of her own.

Her biggest fear is that your child will be the center of all your attention and she will become second in your life. Every woman needs her husband's attention and if she can't have it or get it she'll go the the extreme. So ask her how she feels about this and let her be truthful even if it's selfish and be understandable when she comes out clean. Be there to support both and things should change for the better, she's just insecure around the kid. Hope this helps, God bless

P.S. it's not really the child, it's the relationship

"To me it's one nonparticipatory parent or two." To me, this really says it all. You know if you leave and struggle financially, you won't be able to be there for your kids. Then they'll have two parents that aren't involved in their lives. If you stay, at least you will be able to spend time with your kids. I would say go ahead and stay there, since your husband is satisfied with the arrangement at the moment and you benefit from it too. If I were you, though, I would put forth as much effort as possible to get a better paying job. While your living situation may work out now, I'm sure you don't want to be in that living situation forever. Just consider this a temporary situation! So many people stay together for some period of time, after making the decision to separate, due to the financial burden of separating. Usually it would be for a short period of time, like a few weeks or a few months, but the situation otherwise isn't unusual.

I just can't imagine how she could be mad at him for...what..she doesn't like his daughter? She should be bending over backward to be welcoming to that little girl. She should have fun stuff planned and plan to back off sometimes, too, so dad and daughter can have some quality time. She gets the guy the rest of the month and that is his daughter! That should be a primary concern for him. From my perspective, I would be so thankful to be with someone who treated my kids well and loved them.

I haven't really thought about it the other way around, though, I must admit. I honestly don't think that I would think twice, if the relationship were worthwhile, but to try to have a good relationship with his children, too.

To love someone means to love all of them. If my love had a child . Then I'd love that child as my own. Love knows know bounds. Then again I've working in the child industry for many years be for. I have always become attached to the children. Having a motherly bond for them . Treating them as my own. People say I get to attached and care to much. But think about it. Isn't that a good thing to be. Of course it not just children it's pretty much everyone I come to know and care for . I'm an honest trusting person . Who loves all people. Why is that not good?Anyways I tend to ignore it when people tell me that.I'm happy and love to make people of all ages smile. Yes I tend to form bonds with children and adults that's just who I am! So be happy and smile!: )

Wow, it truly depends on the person.I am a step child and had a step child.( I'm divorced now) It is a world in which someone must trend carefully. I must say I stayed with my husband because of his daughter. She was the apple of my eye and I adored her. Now on the other hand being a step child is hard, you always question the love that a step parent has for you. It is really a matter of that person's heart that determines if they can go on with it.

I personally think he should run the other way fast. How can she expect him to accept her children but her not accept his child. When you meet anyone with children it is alway a package deal. If you don't go in with that attitude it's a wast of everyone's time, especially the children.

Honestly , if you help her take care of and respect her children , she should not have a problem with your child , if she is going to keep being rude when he is there i would really have a talk with her BC if you really want it to work and she really likes you like she said then she would be understanding , tell her how you feel. if he is wonderful in every-way that means excepting his child in every way

To tell you the truth, these are really good questions. yes how can she treat his daughter that way? if it was me, i would encourage her to come in. but for the mother to say/do such things? if i were him, i wouldn't stand for it!

Thank God my folks weren't like that...I'm a step-kid and I've raised numerous step-kids...the more the merrier.