"Open" relationships...?

I see that a few people have answered from the perspective of the swinging lifestyle. I might as well answer from a person who has identified as polyamorous for some 26 years or so (actually before we actually had the word).

My own primary (we've been together almost 6 years) considers herself to have two primaries since the three of us live under one roof. By that definition, the two men love her and we now live as a single household. He's been living with us for about 15 months. I have another love whom I've been slowly developing a relationship with for about 5 months.

Our ground rules tend to be simple. We talk about potential relationships ahead of time, and if we're talking about "festival rules" (the other man is a burner), quick notification. She and I have a standing "date night" of Tuesday. She and he have Thursday. My other love and I see each other on Sunday nights, giving my primary and her other an extra night. We also have frequent lunches in twos and threes during the week.

As far as the two women both loving me, we're still working out schedules since I live with one and am about 40 minutes away from the other. The two of them get along very well and that is such a relief and blessing to me. They both have much in common (other them me!).

We're still ironing out the kinks with this, especially with my overnight (we've only been doing it for a couple of months). In general, it's not perfect, but it is helping everyone feel valued and loved. When my partner had worries about my overnight, we were able to talk about it the next day. My new love and I have been taking it slow in part to make sure that our primaries have time to get used to our budding relationship.

The biggest pitfalls have to do with communication and honesty. When one is feeling insecure and has twinges of jealousy, we consider it a signal to take a look at what is happening. The person looks at their own feelings--what are they feeling insecure about? Is it really about the other's behavior or is that just triggering something happening inside. The person needs to be honest with themselves and to be honest with their partners. By being able to communicate one's fears and concerns, they can be dealt with.

We are active in our local poly community, so we also have plenty of peers to provide support and positive reinforcement. I think that for anyone living in an alternative arrangement, community is essential.

I have had many friends try this and it never worked out for any of them. Sorry!

One set was 3 friends 1 guy 2 bi females. The guy cheated on them both. the 2 girls are no longer friends. This only lasted 6 mo.

One set was a straight married couple. They had been married 12 yrs. They decided to swing with other swinger couples. They remained married in this "open" relationship for 4 yrs. before they divorced. The wife fell in love with another woman's husband and now that couple are married and in a closed relationship.

My opinion on the subject ... it is just plain wrong. Someone always gets hurt when trust and intimacy are broken.

Well I think open relationships are the way to go because it takes away from the unconscious expectations that other relationships bring.

Because most people are insecure about themselves they get jealous to see their partner with someone else. My girlfriend and I have an open relationship and we have been together for years. and it can only work because is an open relationship.

So let's face it in any relationship usually someone cheats and the worst part of it that there too many lies going on in regular relationships. Thats why you have soo much aids going on because people are afraid of having sex because they usually hide it.

My only rule is tell me if you are and I will tell ya if I am. No fights, but if you don't tell me then I will be mad.

And the relationships do work better because there no secrets.

Most people will tell you that it doesn't work, but as long as you have a clear head and understanding that this is what you want to do and that you will not get jealous of what your partner does then u should be fine.

The people that break up are usually insecure that their partner is gonna leave them when in fact if there gonna leave ya they will anyways.

I am in the military in germany and I have had an open relatioship with my partner for about a year in January. I think it works great cause there isn't any actual "cheating" taking place. We also don't tell each other the things we do with other people. It has worked very well and when we are phycally together we are great.

The keys to being able to have open relationships are essentially the same ones in conventional relationships.

Trust, honesty, compassion, caring. No jealousy. Truth and sharing at all times. RESPECT for everyone involved.

People who can do this successfully are actually very mature

people.

The problems are jealousy, selfishness, insecurity, and having greater expectations of the other person than he or she wants.

You've got to know the ground rules and stick to them. This is a very personal arrangement and involves a lot of trust between people.

If you're in one and you're lying about ANYTHING, it's not for you.

Good luck!

Everyone agrees except for 1 jealous, insecure husband. It is working so far but only for a few months now....

I have agreed by default (no interest or desire to pursue anyone else) to be with 3rd party, wife and no one else as 3rd party informed me last Friday that she is very possessive.

It remains to be seen whether or not the 3rd party will remain the 3rd party as I'm starting to think she wants to be the #1 party. I'm not sure I want to place any limit on the 3rd party but then again we are trying not to turn two worlds upside down.

Honesty and self confidence are strong traits in all but Mr. insecure.

How / why it works is mostly because the 3rd party completes me. I feel like we're two Lego pieces when together and I'm not even talking about the sex.

By the way I've seen you before and I typically like / agree with your answers.

I would define an open relationship as one in which you are free to be yourself and express yourself, you know- communicate openly. To add a third party breaks down the relationship at it's core- which is trust. I'm looking for a great life partner and for me personally, an open relationship the way you describe it would never work for me. There is no commitment and the love sounds half-hearted at best. Just my humble opinion. I wonder who the alpha is in this relationship?

It works but not lasts. We are human being and not animal who have their own code of living and that should be broughthere. An animal does not were any thing and it is not vulgur because we all knew it and the reason but if you feel the way to walk on the road initially it would be a road show later police will come to put you into mental asylum or arrest you against the charge of vulgarism. Even the saints are now having some sort of reservation in this issue. This is the society we are to abide by its rules till the world is not destroyed.

no im not in any of the above but i can tell u from past experience "open" relationships are awful!!!!!!! either he realizes ur the grl for him or he finds someone else and if one of my bfs ever suggests it a gain im going to suggest that we tak a break while he "has his fun" and then if hes ready to pick it back up fine but that i may or may not b waitin when he comes back

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! :)

"Open relationship" is something like "Dry ocean". It's impossible, if you're sleeping with other people, then you're not in a relationship, you just have a f*ck buddy who you also like/love. Normal people don't call it "relationship".

But if you still insist on being in an "open relationship" prepare yourself for the future break-up.