how can i make my bf realise i dont mind him sleeping with another girl at a swingers party?

When in doubt, ask. And I don't mean to ask us, because we don't know sh*t about your relationship. (Right people??)

You'll see lots of opinions on here, most of them bashing you and calling you every name in the book for feeling the way you do. I guess you can't blame them for being ignorant.

I was once in your bf's position. My husband tried to give me back my sexuality and I was offended by it. This martyring of my sexual self was my wedding gift to him, the most precious thing I could think to give, and here he was telling me he didn't want it. It hurt. We spent a lot of time talking (and some time crying) before I realized he wasn't disrespecting my gift. This was him telling me that my gift was unneccessary. Giving him a square peg for a round hole. Or maybe more accurately, it was like cutting off a beautiful part of myself and giving to him on a silver platter. Great. A severed...body part. Just what I always wanted. Meanwhile, I'm standing there bleeding and less whole for having given it to him. This was him telling me that, if I truly wanted to give him a gift, it would be to take BACK all of myself and live my life fully, wholly and with passion. He loved me before I gave up my sexual liberty for him. He loved my flirtiness, my fun-loving nature, my adventurousness. And my gift to him was to squash that in a show of dedication to him. There's also something to be said for the dignity of being given a choice. I'm not bound to him by false promises. I'm bound to him through a vow that I made to be his friend and to help, support and encourage him in this life. This has nothing to do with sex, and I am free to leave him at any time. He wants me in his life, but he refuses to wave a contract in my face and say, "You promised me 13 years ago that you would never leave me!" He will not bind me in that way, and I love him more than words can express for his unselfishness in this. All this does is make me want to be with him all the more. Why not? Here is a man who loves me not in spite of my true self, but for it. And nothing is asked of me in return except my respect for his gift. To reciprocate this gift is only natural.

To answer your question (finally), I'd suggest asking him why he feels reluctant. He may be a true monogamist; just because he's a guy doesn't necessarily mean that he's tempted to "stray". He just might not be into extracurricular sex and is just afraid to say so because he's afraid he'll lose you. Would you give up swinging altogether for him?

The other thing might be that he's afraid that you're waiting for him to have sex with someone else and then you'll have a "bargaining chip" to hold over his head. "This bargaining chip good for one free fvck with arrogant a**hole of your choice."

The best thing I could suggest is to explain, not only that it's okay, but WHY it's okay with you. Don't be afraid to be very specific. Ask him what his thoughts are, what he's afraid of, and encourage him to be very honest. Learning to trust takes time, and where swinging is involved, moving at the pace of the least comfortable person is mandatory. Define your rules together, discuss why they need to exist, and then follow them to the letter. When he is shown that HE holds the reins, HE calls the shots, and that you can be trusted to not crush his heart in your hands, he may start to enjoy himself more.

The bottom line: communication. Nothing beats its.

Hi,

Maybe he just wants to look and not touch the merchandise so to speak!

He may not be entirely at ease with this arrangement like you are or is worried that if he has sex with a girl, this means you'll end up having sex with a guy and he can't handle that yet or maybe he worried about how he will preform and all that.

You can't force him to do it - just be understanding - it will probably take a while before he feels comfortable with it. You aren't doing it, so why should he?!

I would never go to a swingers club - bf and I have happy sex life but if it makes you both happy then there no harm in it but I have the feeling he just going along with this for you and not really for himself.

Lx

What the hell! Are you crazy?! You say you love him yet you trying to push him into something that he's not comfortable with. Think of the consequences...what if he ends up enjoying sex with the swinger compared to sex with you...What if he enjoys sex with the both of you and always wants to do it that way..What about if you decide that you're no longer happy with him swinging, and he starts enjoying it?...Look at it this way- you're good together...just the 2 of you. Why do you want to spoil it...it was fun while it lasted with the Swingers but mark my words things could get very complicated. Don't throw away a good thing for immoral acts. I might sound all high and mighty here but think about it are there any feelings involved in swingers partys? No its all about sex! Do what you like but don't push...he's probably thinking the exact same as I am.

If he loves you enough and is serious in this relationship, he may get hurt if he knows that you seriously wants him to sleep with another girl INFRONT of you. This just goes to show that, you truly don't care.

In a love relaionship, there would always be jealousy. That could be ugly, that could be sweet, but that is one important ingredient element in a relationship.

Sugar,spice and element X, exclude any one of them and you can't get powerpuff girls.

It's the same theory.

Maybe it's now time for you to think about your relationship with each other? Especially if you think that you beau is truly serious about being with you.

Well, if he's not that serious, >_- have fun with each other.

You say you are not ready to sleep with a guy in front of him, maybe he is not ready to sleep with a girl in front of you. I would stop being so pushy, or he may start doing it behind your back, knowing you dont mind and all.

drug him, threaten him, force him, pay the girls to "rape" him or even worse he will leave you for another more sensible girl who truly loves him, who WILL wants him all to herself. Do you know how lucky you are to have a bf who looks at ALL THE temptations around him and also have your permission to mess around with other girl, but DO NOT WANT TO ACT on it? Girl, he wants to be faithful to you but what I do not get is you dont want him to be yours alone. I think this kind of relationship is to the extreme. If you are so unhappy about him not sleeping with another woman then find a guy who are willingly to cheat or have sex with another girl. LEAVE HIM!

Make it clear to him that it is ok with you, and that you will probably sleep with another guy at this get together, whether or not you will, Might be the prod he needs.

If you can't persuade your boyfriend to have sex with another girl so you can watch, it probably means that he doesn't want to do it. I'm guessing that you're the one that's interested in this kind of lifestyle, and he only tags along to make you happy. Dump your boyfriend so he can find someone he deserves.

how about this. instead of going to a party. just find a woman and have it just the three of you. and make sure you express to your bf it is ok, and be sincere about it. you have to understand that most women, probably 98% of them lol, this would not be acceptable. i wouldnt believe it either if my wife said it to me. i think if you two were in a smaller setting it might just work

try a 3 some with you and another girl that should work good luck