Does starting a fight with your significant other make you feel like you're in control??

While growing up in an extremely combative environment, I'm used to constant fighting and arguing. My mother is someone who loves to argue, for the sake of arguing, and will not quit until you fight back, and she won't just let you walk away.

I'm convinced I've recreated the environment I know so well, and as a result my relationship with my boyfriend of four years, is suffering. It definitely goes both ways, but sometimes I feel like the one in control if I provoke the fight first, and if I get to have the last word. When he starts the fight, I often become reserved and guarded, and keep quiet, as if responding would give him the control. We have communicative issues, and we're working on it. I was just wondering if there is anyone else out there who feels like control is an issue when it comes to confrontation in their own relationships?