Should I continue a close relationship with my ex-inlaws?

r u kiddin me do u want to go at her ex boyfriends house and spend time...u r going against the rules what is wrong with you...being friends is one thing but for them to come and go in your house and you do the same is out of the question..friends is all it should be...they will come to your house and compare notes its a woman thing...who is better than who......no no no don't do it if you love your wife...if you don't love your wife then do and see how long the marriage last...good luck.

Your question doesn't warrant a simple yes or no. It's admirable and quite understandable that the bonds you've formed over a 13 year period survive the demise of the marriage that spawned them, and it's equally understandable and admirable that you want them to continue. Now that you've re-married, however, you can easily see how this would be a bit disconcerting to your new wife....it represents a strong remnant from your past that signifies to her "unfinished business" and could be a barrier against the formation of new traditions and alliances with her. You have to see her side in this, and it's incumbent upon you to make her feel safe within this framework. How do you accomplish this? It could be as simple as putting yourself in her shoes: how would you react if the situation was reversed?

Ideally you can work to help her see how meaningful this relationship is to you; your wife may, in turn, adopt a posture of cordiality if not closeness. Just don't ram it down her throat. She's not going to want to do but so much "socializing" with your ex's family, so don't cause this to be an issue for her. Good luck achieving a balance here; with a little bit of sensitivity you should be able to accomodate both positions.

In this time, your former In-Laws are no longer "Family". That does not mean that they are not friends, just as there are others with whom you have friendly relationships.

There is absolutely no reason why you should be estranged from these friends any more than you should be from others.

You might want to point this out to your present wife. Having a friendly relationship with your former in-laws does not present a threat to you present wife or present situation. She is creating stress and disention and that is not good for either of you.

How could your former "Mother -in-law have a "Sexy Lady" tone? She has to be 20 years older than you.

I have a friendly relationship with my former in-laws as they're the grandparents of my 2 sons. I think maybe you'd want to rethink taking a vacation there if your wife is against it to keep the peace at home. I also believe that she shouldn't be so jealous. I mean you became friends with them over 13 years. It's not fair that you can't keep in contact just because you divorced their daughter. Maybe you should make discussing your ex with them off limits.

I guess if you husband feels his ex's family is like an extended part of his own family and loves them, then talking with them once in a while is fine. But if his former MIL is calling and trying to be "sexy" then I would say it's time to sever the ties.

Personally, I would be uncomfortable with my husband having a relationship with his former wife's family.

I would feel like he's never moved on, and that his ex will always be a ghost to haunt our lives.

Firstly Im in almost the same situation as you - My husband left last August and I am just as close to his family as I ever was - I tell them my feelings, whats going on at the moment and they do the same.

We do have a few differences from you though - my ex and I have a daughter (so the in-laws are grandparents and Aunts etc) and he has cut all contact with them off - I sort of know why but not alot makes sense when it comes to the ex as he is an alcoholic and has his own reasoning that is not always understandable - When he left me he apparently moved in with his mother for a few days and then hooked up with one of our customers (we had a business together) he wanted to move into a rental house with her and her 3 kids so he asked him mother for Rent and Bond money - his mother didnt have it (she rents also) so turned him down but said they could stay there for a short time - he never answered her on that and just left (he did move in with her - she has since left him) - his sister had her baby and he went to see them once - and in fact the baby is 5 months old (or thereabouts) and he has only seen the baby twice and never held it or touched it - a discussion was held in the hospital room when I wasnt around and neither was my ex - it was decided that I would be invited to any and all familly functions (Christmas - Parties etc etc) and that if he didnt like it then that was his problem - they put this to him and he said that if I was invited to anything he wouldnt go and he never does - mind you when we were together he didnt see his family much wheras I did all the time - there was a running joke about did I bring the life size cutout of him so they could remember what he looked like.

At first I felt awkward because I felt I was driving a wedge between his family but Im not - he has made the choice not to turn up to anything - not even to visit when there is no event on and he wont speak to them by phone - I just make it a point not to talk about him to them unless they bring it up and then Ill listen but I wont add much as I dont want them to be thrown into the middle of him and me when they have their own problems with him.... he wont talk to them ... but he rings me daily sometimes several times per day - not to speak to his daughter but to speak to me - he is very co-dependant and unfortunately Im his enabler.

The other difference is I have only just started seeing someone - he knows everything that is going on but hasnt had to deal with it yet so I dont know how that will go as my ex's opinions and moods change daily to match the amount of Beer he has had to drink.

Hmmm that was a novel - sorry about that - I just found it a bit of a good thing to hear someone ask a question about something I thought was a really odd situation but it works for us and my daughter continues to see her family and I see them as my second family so its all good

All genders aside, whether male or female it is unfair for you ask your present companion to accept and bond with your ex inlaws. I do not think you need to stop talking with your ex in laws but you do need to be understanding, supportive and compassionate about your present companions feelings. Only you can decide if it will prove to be destructive of your relationship. Then you must decide if your present relationship is more important than carrying on with the ex in laws if doing so will damage your new relationship. As for your present companion becoming jealous, that's a whole other issue. Jealousy is unhealthy and comes from insecurities. If your partner is feeling insecure try to help him/her feel better about your own relationship. Priorities, priorities, priorities...

if it is hurting your wife, u need to severe all contact with them, they aren't your family anymore, the woman should not be calling u so often, or coming to your home for vacation or u going to hers. anything that upsets your wife u need to stop doing. i would not want a relationship with my man's ex mother in law, frankly i would see it as a play to get u and your ex back together. your first priority is your present wife not something in your past.

relationships with ex's when you have moved on to another is very difficult. Your wife is feeling jealous and insecure because of this continued contact. This is really a personal problem for her. If she was secure in herself and her relationship with you she would not feel this way. Family becomes family especially after many years together as such. Maybe you need to give your wife some extra TLC and let her know without a doubt she is irreplacable ;-)

This should have been brought up before you remarried. I can understand your wife not wanting to spend her vacation with your ex in-laws. You should be able to remain friends but your wife may never let up. I failed to discuss a friend with my wife and it is a headache every time she comes to visit. Even though she lives across the country, my wife is convinced she wants me.