My supervisor's dad died. What should I do?

Question

I have worked at this law firm in the word processing department (we take overflow from secretaries) for two years.  I work in the same (very, very small) room with my supervisor.  The atmosphere in this office is very professional, which is to say everyone is very "fake nice" to everyone else.  She is always pleasant to me, but I have never spoken to her outside of work and have no desire to.  I am the youngest person at the firm (22 years old, most people are in their 40s or 50s) so there is a large generation gap.

I just got an email from HR informing everyone that her father died.  I am in a different office this week and won't see her until next Tuesday.  The email included information on the wake and funeral.  I have no desire whatsoever to go to either of these, but a lot of people at work will.

What is the appropriate thing for me to do? Should I give her a card or something? I expect to feel very awkward when I see her next week, any advice is appreciated. Thanks.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Just send a sympathy card.

Anonymous · Answer

Well, out of respect I would say attend at least the wake and let her know that you are sympathetic to her loss, the usual "how are doing, do you need anything and if so feel free to ask", now here's the thing though. Mean it. Nine times out of ten, they don't and if they do, there's nothing wrong with being charitable every now and then. Not to mention that you all work in the same small room, so who knows.....sometimes people need to be able to open up and that could very well help her and you as well. It's about time for an ice breaker.

latitude · Answer

A card is nice, some flowers sent to the funeral would be really nice. Sometimes the entire office chips in to send some nice flowers, ask around if anyone is doing that.

And try to be extra sensitive when she comes back.

PaoloPH · Answer

As the others have said, a sympathy card would be very appropriate.

[almost] everyone has a life outside their job, and acknowledging the death of her father shows your recognizing her as a person, not just a boss or a co worker.

I've worked with with people with whom i have had professional differences, but that all falls to the wayside when there is an occurrence like this, and the common bond of just being human comes through....it's very important.

Anonymous · Answer

At the very least, send her a condolence card. You can also arrive before the wake starts, pay your respects, sign the book and leave prior to the actual service starts. I've done it. They only remember you were there, they don't calculate that it was for 5 minutes or 5 hours.

kjay_39 · Answer

Send flowers w/card to the funeral since you work in the same room with her.
It is the "professional" thing to do
:-)

Diamond · Answer

send a sympathy card, a few of you could put some money together for flowers unless the family have said they do not want flowers (money instead to a good cause of the familys choice)

BeeBee · Answer

I also agree a card expressing your sympathy is enough.  You don't need to do anything else.  Rule of thumb for funerals...  

You need not attend unless the loved one is within your own social network... family or friends..

Jerry M · Answer

If you have no personal relationship with this person you arent expected to do anything.  Companies let other employees know out of respect and so anyone friends can show proper respect.

Devolution · Answer

To be honest, I'd ignore it. You have no reason to feel sorry for her - you don't even know her - so why fake it? It's not as if she can fire you for *not* taking a personal interest in her. When you see her, act how you would have done if you hadn't received that e-mail; she might even appreciate some normality.

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My supervisor's dad died. What should I do?

14 Answers