Devolution

A friend just invited me to her birthday celebration - to go and see a film, to be precise. However, a line in the invitation says, "It's this Saturday because I'm doing something else on my actual birthday with my other friends".

I realise I may well be getting the better end of the deal here - she might think that the friends she's invited to the cinema wouldn't enjoy her other plans, and vice versa - but I find it a little hurtful nonetheless. Am I wrong for this?

I've always wondered what purpose this served. I mean, someone doesn't go for one hour, what makes you think they're going to go for two?

I have a friend who frequently skips lessons and, knowing I'm her friend, her teacher approached me and asked me a] if I have her mobile (cellphone) number and b] if so, to please give him her mobile number so he could phone her and ask why she wasn't in class again.

I respectfully but assertively told him, "I have the number, but it isn't mine to give you - sorry." As a compromise, I offered to use the school's line and dial it for him so he still could talk to her, but he stormed away instead of take me up on this.

I stand by my decision - my friend told *me* her number, not her teacher, and it is not my place to hand it out; I'd be furious if someone did that to me. Besides, it's not like me not giving it to him prevented him - contact details are on record, it just would have taken less time and effort if I'd told him.

Apparently, not everyone agrees with me because it's caused a rather large and increasing debate over whether I should have refused. Am I in the wrong and, if so, why?

Personally, there's a few contenders, but the winner has to be 'Minority Report'.

What's your one?

How does one go about writing a personal statement for a medicine course at university with the intention of becoming a medical researcher, not a practising doctor?

My friend was watching her two younger siblings, and as they are a bit of a handful, asked me to help her, which I agreed to do. The morning of the day I was due to go to her house, she phoned me up to warn me that they had chicken pox, so I should be prepared for lots of whining. At this point, I told her I was unable to help her in that case. She told me to stop being a baby, because they weren't contagious to us; I carefully explained that they may not be contagious to her, but I had never had chicken pox. She slammed the phone down.

Later on, I received a ranting e-mail about how I was a big baby, how I'd left her in the lurch, how I'd ruined her plans for the evening, how I'd made her evening so hard, etc. I didn't think it was unreasonable to not voluntarily expose myself to chicken pox, but is she right - should I have helped anyway?

I long ago acknowledged I have aquaphobia (fear of water). It doesn't stop me from living a 'normal' life in that I can still take showers, go outside in the rain, have a drink of water, etc. I just refuse to go in to water, like the sea, a swimming pool or a bath. I keep a respectful distance from such bodies of water and am perfectly content with my aquaphobia.

However, I have a couple of swimmer friends who keep on badgering me to get over my fear of water so that I can enjoy water-related activities with them. I've never had a desire to join in with water-related activites and I think their reason for wanting me to 'cure' my aquaphobia is selfish; this, I've told them. But their comments made me wonder: even though it's not interfering with the way I'm happy to live, is there a benefit in overcoming my fear?

It's my understanding that family deaths shortly before or within the exam period can be reported to the exam board and the effects of it taken into consideration with exams that you under-perform in, but is this strictly for family deaths or can any close deaths also be taken into consideration?

A close friend of the family is extremely ill and may die during my exams. Her death will likely affect me; in the event it falls within the next few weeks, whilst I don't intend to allow it to alter my performance, can I request that it be taken into consideration regardless of her not being a relative?

I'm after something a bit like this: http://www.thegiftexperience.co.uk/cms_media/image...

My mother used to have one, but it broke; as it's her birthday soon, I'm hoping to give her another carafe.

I got on quite well with my grandmother, but I only ever really saw or heard from her on special occasions like birthdays and Christmas. Even years after her death, her absence isn't noticed all the time. However, on these special occasions, it's conspicuous that she's not there.

Is it selfish to only really miss her on special occasions?

About a month ago, I proposed to my friends that we celebrate my birthday this Tuesday (26th of May) as a group. They all agreed, and said they were all free that day.

Today, it transpires that one of them has made alternative plans for the 26th since she agreed to my plans - she made them on May 10th, to be precise. Am I being unfair in that I'm angry about this and intend to go ahead with my celebration this Tuesday, whether she's free or not?

I have a moronic branch on the family - the sort of people that find it amusing when someone wears glasses, and who like to wind them up by repeatedly asking to try said glasses on.

I wear glasses and, at a family function, an elderly uncle came up and, with that smirk that signals you're about to be treated to some tasteless teasing, asked to try my glasses on.

He was not the first person to ask it that evening and, already frustrated, I replied, "Only if I can try your wig on." Was this rude and inappropriate of me?

Friend A's birthday in on the 21st of May, but she made plans to celebrate it on the 23rd of May. However, she forgot that the 23rd is the birthday of Friend B's father, and Friend B already has plans with her family on the 23rd.

Friend B told me all of this, but said she didn't want to ask Friend A to change her plans to the 24th of May. Let me point out that Friend A said, specifically, "If there's any problems with this, an alternate day is 24th".

I decided to e-mail Friend A and tell her about Friend B's predicament, but asked if she would mind not mentioning that I did so; for example, just imply that she remembered Friend B's father's birthday, or pretend I had the problem with the date.

Was this the right thing to do?

Can universities reject my application for accommodation in student halls because I have occasional night terrors?

A few months ago, I received a letter from the DVLA address to a Mr Daniel Fitch; no one of that name lives or has ever lived at my house. The letter had my address and town, but not my postcode. Then, they just wouldn't stop coming: there were weeks when I was getting three or four letters for Mr Daniel Fitch.

Numerous calls and letters to the DVLA later, I finally managed to persuade them that, no matter what their computer said, Mr Daniel Fitch doesn't not and has never lived at my address. They said they would change their database to reflect this while review the case. I had nothing to fear from this and, when a few months passed and I received nothing from the DVLA for Mr Daniel Fitch, I assumed they had also concluded he didn't live at my address.

Well, you know what they say about assuming... I received another letter today from the DVLA, for a Mr Daniel Fitch. I don't know what else to do now; I've spent hours on the phone telling them everything I can, then writing the same things. They've changed their database and presumably conducted their own investigation, and *still* the letters comes. In addition, I've gone up and down my road, asking for Daniel Fitch, and no one seems to have heard of him.

What else is there to be done?

Person A is the only transport for a groups of friends, and recently volunteered to drive four of them to a nearby city. Two of the passengers were fine to drive around, but one of them spent the drive there criticising every part of Person A's driving - skills, speed, etc. Person A is not claiming to be the best driver ever, but has never caused an accident and no one has ever been injured under their driving, plus Person A follows the Highway Code and driving laws.

After Person A parked, the critical friend (Person B) said, "You're really an awful driver, you know?" By this point, Person A was frustrated with Person B and said, in all seriously, "Fine then - get the bus back if you don't want to be in a car with me." They separated, with three of them going to get shopping and Person B meeting up with a relative. Person A and the two non-critical friends met up, got into Person A's car and started to drive back home.

Halfway there, Person A's phone rings and one of the friends answers it. It's Person B, asking where Person A parked because they couldn't find the car. Using the friend who answered the phone as an intermediary, Person A told them that they (Person A) was under the impression that Person B found the car ride unsafe and was taking the bus back home. Person B proceeds to throw a tantrum and demands that Person A turned around and pick them up. Person A refuses to do so, then asked the friend to hang up on Person B.

Today, Person A receives a nicely worded e-mail from Person B, calling them ill-mannered, an unworthy friend and requests they spend time apart; in short, Person B breaks up with Person A, although in practise Person B will almost certainly still expect to use Person A as a free taxi service, in spite of the appalling driving skills.

In this situation, was Person A ill-mannered or does Person B have to share the blame for the situation?

My doctors' surgery scheduled a routine check-up appointment for me prior to asking me about timing or whether I even wanted it at all; indeed, the first I heard about it was the letter last week, telling me I have an appointment for X date at Y time.

As it transpired, I didn't want it - I don't approve of medical check-ups; even if I had wanted it, the time wasn't convenient, but that is irrelevant. I didn't want it and, as I've learnt this automatic scheduling is routine procedure with my doctors, I have previously told them I do not want any check-ups booked, but do they listen?

Out of courtesy to the other patients, I officially cancelled the appointment so as not to rob someone who needed it of the chance to see a doctor ... and thought that would be the end of the matter. However, I received a letter today to inform me that the surgery has recently implemented a £15 (about $22) cancellation fee, which I am being charged for.

I can understand how this could be useful to discourage people to make appointments on a whim, but given that I a) didn't schedule this appointment and b) I have told them many times I don't want check-ups scheduled, should I being charged for it? If not, what avenues are open to me?

I have a relatively high tolerance for pain in most circumstances. However, whenever anything touches the front of my thighs, it feels extremely painful. I'm not talking about excessive pressure here; my cat rubs around them and it hurts more than the time I bit through my lip (by accident, I add - tripped over and bit it in the fall).

This isn't a recent change, but it came up in conversation and people were asking a lot of questions, which got me thinking: should I be concerned about my thighs being sensitive where nothing else particularly is? I've never have any problem with the health of my legs apart from this.

I freely admit that I used to lack effort in everything I did; I am by nature a lazy person and this showed in my activities. Everything was done to an acceptable standard, but nothing came close to my potential.

However, I changed for the better a few years ago and, since then, it's noticeable that things have increased dramatically ... but still, even now, when things go wrong (and they do; no one is perfect), people make snide remarks like, "Don't worry - it's not like it represents hours of effort".

When will people acknowledge that I am a better person, or even will they? Can I really start again?