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What do you think about this poem?
Falling faster, faster still
cause of death, loss of will
but don't lose yourself to this bottomless night
just catch your breath, and keep up the fight
everytime you fall, your closer to your goal
every time you stumble,you shallow the hole
Though earth pulls you down
and their are demons all around
push on through the hate
and soon, you will be great
I know its juvinille, but it's one of my firsts.
8 Answers
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
it's actually not that jouvenille until you get to that last line- check out rhymezone.com for other words to rhyme with hate (as you seem to have a set rhyme scheme going) and revise that last line. good luck
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Its very good for a first poem. The basic theme of the poem is to encourage, a positive message. But there seems to be more stress on the distress or negativeness
great start!
- Anonymous1 decade ago
It is silly, a little. The message of hope overcomes the silliness. TD
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- ishaniLv 41 decade ago
its gr8...as its ur maiden one its cool....i also write poems....i'll mail sum of them ..i wud like ur opinion on them.....well i mite be a little late in sending them..cuz i've got xms ...but i'll try 2 manage as soon as possible
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Pretty good.
Nice work:)
