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What do you think about this poem?

Falling faster, faster still

cause of death, loss of will

but don't lose yourself to this bottomless night

just catch your breath, and keep up the fight

everytime you fall, your closer to your goal

every time you stumble,you shallow the hole

Though earth pulls you down

and their are demons all around

push on through the hate

and soon, you will be great

I know its juvinille, but it's one of my firsts.

8 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    it's actually not that jouvenille until you get to that last line- check out rhymezone.com for other words to rhyme with hate (as you seem to have a set rhyme scheme going) and revise that last line. good luck

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Its very good for a first poem. The basic theme of the poem is to encourage, a positive message. But there seems to be more stress on the distress or negativeness

    great start!

  • 1 decade ago

    =o I <3 it. It seems dark at first but has a great ending 5 stars!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    It is silly, a little. The message of hope overcomes the silliness. TD

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  • ishani
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    its gr8...as its ur maiden one its cool....i also write poems....i'll mail sum of them ..i wud like ur opinion on them.....well i mite be a little late in sending them..cuz i've got xms ...but i'll try 2 manage as soon as possible

  • 1 decade ago

    um....its ok i guess put keep practising your doing pretty good :D

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Pretty good.

    Nice work:)

  • 1 decade ago

    i like it.

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