How to I get a friend out of a destructive realationship?

Question

My friend is the kindest, friendliest, and sweetest person I know.  She has a bf that cheats on her and treat her like garbage.  The thing is that she's so infatuated with him, that she does whatever he says.  He exploits that all the time and dehumanizes he.  She caught him cheating before and she still stayed with him.  I just want her to be as happy as she makes everyone else feel.

My only request is some advise on this situation.  I'm trying to make her see the pain her bf is causing.  I have to use and indirect approach.  Others have tried to set her up with good guys and it didn't work.  The problem is that she "loves" him too much to have sense to leave him.  He has a grip and he won't let go.  I can't force them apart.  It seems no matter how much he screws up, she still won't leave him.  She can't see that he doesn't love her.  She can't see that he's using her.  She deserve the best.  She deserves to be loved.  Please give any advice if you can.  Thank you.

Just Me · Accepted Answer

Speaking with experience, you don't get her out of it.  Painful as it is to witness the only thing you can do is be there for her and help her when she decides to leave on her own.  And if she chooses to remain with him, support her.  Do not walk out or turn your back on her because you "disapprove" because if the day comes that she leaves him, she will need some friends to help her get over it all.  This is something she has to do on her own.  Forbidden fruit is always tastiest and until she decides the fruit is bitter on her own, all you're doing is pushing her closer to him because he "understands" and you don't...  just be her friend and be there when she needs you to be...  One day she will "get it"....

allrightythen · Answer

I know it breaks your heart in two - I've had friends that have been in similar situations - however...

there isn't anything you can do. 

they say "love is blind" there is a reason for it. She sees what she wants to see, and you aren't the one who can pull the blinders off. You can talk until you are blue in the face - you can try all the reverse psychology you want - it won't make a difference. 

It's like an alcoholic who refuses to admit within themselves they have a problem - until they are ready...nothing will change.

Princess M · Answer

one day your friend will realize for herself, but until then there is really nothing that you can do or say to make her realize. Just remember that she has a choice to get out of this unhealthy relationship and better herself.. and I'm sure she will end up realizing how foolish she is being. Until then just continue to be her friend and be there for her.

** she is lucky to have someone like yourself that cares so much about her!

Grandpa S · Answer

It is none of your business.  She has to solve her own problems.  If she is too immature to leave, then you should just stay out of it and let her make her own decisions.

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How to I get a friend out of a destructive realationship?

4 Answers