Youre invited to an expensive wedding. Bring your own sack lunch??

The trend of people passing the hat so that the reception guests have to pay for the reception dinner has been growing for the past 10 years. I think it's outrageous; if you have a party and invite people, you pay for the food. It's your party.

In this case, your cousin wants people to bring food. That's actually worse than the passing-the-hat for money scenario, unless it's a hillybilly wedding in the Appalacians.

I think there is another trend toward all-out narcissism in this culture; people can fathom spending money on themselves, but not on the care of other people (who they invited as guests). I would not attend a reception that I, as a guest, had to pay for and also bring a present for. Doesn't make any sense, it's tacky and an extreme case of selfishness.

Yes it's her wedding, but WHY she she feeling so much hate towards her guests? Has anyone wronged her? No use in taking it out on everyone. Since money is no object, paying for food isn't such a burden is it? Maybe someone else, closer to her can reach her common sense or maybe her fiance? Otherwise, I would consider NOT going to the wedding and just sending her a gift or card (with a small check). If I'm traveling that long to get there, I've made the effort and cared enough to be there. She should make the effort and also care enough about me too!

Your cousin is not only going completely against etiquette, but she's also being EXTREMELY rude and even more tacky. One thing brides tend to forget about when planning their weddings is that they should think about their guests as well. Personally, I'd never attend a wedding for someone who requested I bring my own meal for the reception. The whole point in having a reception is for the COUPLE to provide sustenance to their guests who have traveled to share in their special day. It's also a way for the couple to thank the guests for coming, and it serves as the after-party for the families to meet and mingle. If the meal only consists of cake and punch that the COUPLE pay for, so be it. It's extremely rude to not provide your guests with food and even worse to ask them to provide it themselves. The "It's my wedding" excuse does NOT apply here and your cousin would do well to know this.

Present your cousin with some wedding etiquette books and direct her to these websites:

etiquettehell.com

theknot.com

Thats really odd, usually when you rent the hall there are packages containing food to be served as well as the dining wear. Something is a miss with what she's doing. All in all its her wedding and she can be this way, but will her guests accept this is the bigger question.

That's ridiculous. There's no way people will want to bring a dish to pass at a big wedding 11 hours away, just to help someone celebrate their wedding day. She'll end up with hardly anyone there (and no gifts! ha).

You can give up trying to convince her - someone else will have to get through to her (mom? dad? fiance or his parents?). I bet someone wiser and older will end up hiring the caterer instead of letting her be so rude.

What a waste of money to spend all that on renting a hall and looking good but not actually providing anything for your guests, I think she has her priorities wrong, it would be cheap to provide nice sandwiches and salad, or even sausages and mash with gravy, I think it really rude that she expects people to cater for themself, especially with all the travelling costs incurred.

Shall we say it is unusual to do it this way.

I think it is a breach of all the customs of hospitality and I hope you are victim of some leg pulling or someone somehow somewhere talks some sense into her. She does not want to be known as the most tight fisted Bride in living history.

Since we are just throwing the formal etiquette rules out the window - and good for you on that... I would personally address the outer envelope as The Doe Family.... and then the inner envelope with their first names John, Kathy & Mike. Since your keeping it more casual this is how I recommend you should do it. I also do not ever recommend you use "& Family"... it implies that Mr. & Mrs. are more important than the rest of the family... or that the rest of the family members are an after thought! Good Luck!!!!

If you really have to go, subtract the cost of food and gas from the gift you were going to give her. Then show up with a bag of McDonalds and plunk it down on her rented china. What she is asking is incredibly rude.

she can do whatever she wants its her wedding..but when she is looking around and does not see no guest she might rethink being a cheap biotch. thats very tacky...if i was you i would not even go. seems like she i waning ppl to go just for the gifts but not wanting to supply them with a good wedding/event.