a scottish joke,ha,ha.?

Teacher:

'Good morning children. Today is Thursday, so we're going to have a

general knowledge quiz. The pupil who gets the answer right can have

Friday and Monday off and not come back to school until Tuesday.'

WeeJock thinks, 'Ya dancer. Ah'm pure dead brilliant at ma general knowledge

stuff. This is gonnae be a dawdle. Come oan ya radge, a lang

weekend fir me.'

Teacher:

'Right class, who can tell me who said, 'Don't ask what your country can

do for you, but what you can do for your country.''

Wee Jock shoots up his hand, waving furiously in the air. Instead however,

teacher looks round and picks Richard at the front. 'Yes, Richard?'

Richard

(in a very English accent): 'Yes miss, the answer is J F Kennedy inauguration

speech 1960.'

Teacher:

'Very good Richard. You may stay off Friday and Monday and we will see

you back in class on Tuesday.

The next Thursday comes around and Wee Jock is even more determined.

Teacher:

'Who said 'We will fight them on the beaches, we will fight them in the

air, we will fight them at sea. But we will never surrender'?'

Wee Jock's hand shoots up, arm stiff as a board, shouting 'I know. I

know. Me Miss, me Miss'. Teacher looking around picks Timothy

sitting at the front. 'Yes Timothy.'

Timothy(in a very, very posh English accent):

'Yes Miss, the answer is Winston

Churchill, 1941 Battle of Britain speech.'

Teacher:

'Very good Timothy, you may stay off Friday and Monday and come back to class

on Tuesday.'

The following Thursday comes around and Wee Jock is hyper, he's been studying

encyclopaedias all week and he's ready for anything that comes.

He's coiled in his wee chair, slavers dripping in anticipation.

Teacher:

'Who said 'One small step for man, one giant leap for

mankind'?' Wee Jock's arm shoots straight in the air, he's standing

on his seat, jumping up and down screaming 'Me Miss, me Miss, meeeee.'

Teacher looking round the class picks Rupert sitting at the front.

'Yes Rupert.'

Rupert

(in a frightfully frightfully, ever so plummy English accent):

'Yes Miss, that was Neil Armstrong 1969, the first moon landing.'

Teacher:

'Very good Rupert. You may stay off Friday and Monday and come back into

class on Tuesday.'

At which point Wee Jock loses the plot altogether. He tips his desk and

throws his wee chair at the wall. He starts screaming 'Where the f**k did

all these English ba**ards come from?' Teacher looking round the class,

angrily: 'Who said that?!!'

Wee Jock grabs his coat and heads for the exit, 'Bonnie Prince Charlie, Culloden,

1746. See yeh on Tuesday ya old cow!'