My daughter(17 year old ) is gone...?

well minus the whole slapping her part... (I understand how that came about though, my mom and I have gone through the slapping thing) I think you have all the right in the world to punish her because of her grades. you both need to sit down and talk when you're not both angry so that way you both can have a normal fight-less talk.

may I suggest counseling? I believe this might help a little and help her respect you more.

"уσυ яєαℓℓу αяє му є¢ѕтα¢у "... her daughter doesn't need to be treated like an adult when she's acting like a child. her daughter doesn't respect her and doesn't listen. She needs to be disciplined because she is still a child.

Did you realize that someone else posted a question about your question? If I hadn't followed the link, I wouldn't have known about this one!

She had no right to hide her report card from you like that. Did it come from school with her or was it sent through the mail? Maybe you can talk to the school and let them know another way to send it directly to you.

If she is failing 2 of her classes, she at the very least owes you an explanation as to why. Grounding her off the phone or from friends may seem unreasonable to her right now, but really its not. The fact that she essentially lied by hiding the report card for a week did her no favors, and was probably what contributed to the slap across the face.

I will say that while it only happened to me one time...it's made a lasting impression. When I was 12, I lipped off to my mother....she slapped me...I slapped her back....she slapped me again, a tad harder this time, and that was it. My tantrum was done. She never had to do that again. What people don't seem to understand is that a slap across the face with an open hand is perfectly legal in most states.

If she has her own money and wants to buy her own phone, more power to her. Maybe having to pay a bill would teach her some responsibility too. Especially when she comes to you with a super high bill and says "I can't pay this" and expects you to. Then reality can hit instead of you.

She's almost an adult and as old school as this sounds, as long as she lives in your house, she needs to live by your rules.

As far as her not appreciating your sacrifices.....she won't right now. Not until later in life when she looks back and realizes what you have done for her over the years.

Good luck!

First off the line was crossed WAY in the beginning. So let's starts there, and please read my entire answer with an open mind and heart. The fact that she hid it from you was wrong on her part, so then we have to wonder why she hid it. Was it because she was afraid of your reaction? Or something else? You could have asked her why she was failing and this entire situation would have probably gone differently. Maybe high school IS hard for her. You both need to talk it out and find out why it's so hard for her if that's the real reason. The rest of the converstation just happened because of the anger.

To answer your question about why she doesn't appreciate it... well this is what I believe... Sacrifies are like doing nice things. You do nice things because you know it's the right thing to do and you should never expect anything back. If you do expect something back, brag about it, or even talk about it with others then that entirely cancels out the nice thing you did and the nice thing really doesn't count anymore. It's not about the fact that you do it; but it has to do more with the reason why you do it. If you "sacrificed" it for the right reasons then it wouldn't feel like such a sacrifice.

So my advice is this. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, because that is what you're doing when you say that she has been causing you grief. Think about others, the world does not revolve around you, your pain, your grief, or whatever. And maybe what she needs isn't tough love, but just love.

:)

Just listen to what she has to say, be open minded and try to solve your issues with her because it seems like you have some.

Being a single mother is one of the hardest jobs in the world. Trying to make ends meat, pay bills and then be the mother and father is hard work. But you should never allow yourself to be put into a situation where you loose your cool. I know this is hard but try find out what caused the bad grades as well as whats on her mind. Phones are a drug these days and they need to be monitored. Your daughter needs a coolong off period then you should take her away for a weekend to get to the bottom of this. If all else fails get your local priest, friendly ploce man or some up standing member of the community to help talk to her. Good luck my friend.

okay i cannot relate to this at all bc i get straight A's and i have never been grounded in my life, but i am 17 years old and i have not always been the best with my attitude, choices, and words. but i have to tell you that high school is hard. some classes no matter how hard you try you just cant get it and some teachers dont care they wont help you. i think instead of yelling at her about her grades to the point where she feels she had to hid it from you, instead you should talk to her about school tell her she can get a tutor (not all of them are expensive) suggest she can ask her teacher to help her out more until she understands. and you shouldnt say she cant talk to her friends you should limit the talking not completely take it away. but what other people are saying on here is right too shes almost 18 years old you have to start treating her like shes an adult. and my mom is a single mother of 3 and until i turned 17 i never really cared but she'll come around and notice all that you do for her, girls at our age just dont care really we care about ourselves, our friends, and boys.(unless your daughter is of a different orientation) then you know. but just let her cool down. you both will be okay.

good luck you to both! =]

Hard one.

But tough love and disapproval are 2 different things.

And I think you have displayed disapproval of her.

The fact that she hid it from you makes me think she was scared of your reaction. Which is kind of sad.

And although I can fully understand your frustration, in all honesty if you choose to slap somebody especially someone who is months off being an adult, you should expect to be hit back. At age of 17 respect is something that is earned.

From her point of view, she would be thinking "well why should I get hit and my mother thinks that she is better than me and can't get hit back?" You are not displaying respect of her so you can't expect to get respect back.

Another thing you may want to consider is that you have just told 1000's of people that you "have made so many sacrifices to raise her on my own" - I wonder if you have also told your daughter the same thing.

Raising your child should not be a sacrifice and if she thinks she has been a burden on you then I can understand why she is "causing you grief" - she probably feels like nothing she does it good enough.

Slapping her across the face may have been a bad reaction on your part, even though I do understand where it came from. Slapping her will not teach her to respect you, just resent you and act out even worse. At this point, because she is so close to being a legal adult, the best advice I could give is to maintain your boundries, and stay consistant with your rules and what you expect from her. You can't except her refusing to be grounded because that only tells her that she makes the rules, not you. IF she does buy her own phone, you are the parent, and it is YOUR house, and you have the right to take it away from her. Let her dig her own hole, and when she turns 18, let her know that it is time to start paying rent, and her share of the utilities, and buy her own food, prepare her own meals, and if she doesn't agree with that, time for her to move out. At 17, it is nearly impossible to keep track of her all day long, and she is going to do what she wants to do. All you can do is hope that she chooses to respect your rules, and if she doesn't she will have to be responcible for her actions. I cannot stress to you how important it is that you stay consistant. That is the only thing that will teach her to respect you

dont stress it out. shell come around. she will appreciate it one day, maybe when shes older & has her own children. right now shes just young wants to have fun & be able to do what all her friends r doing. shes not thinking of anyone but herself, yes i know thats wrong but most teenagers do! i know from experience i was the same way wit my mother except i never hit her, shes slapped me for mouthing off & i dnt blame u for it at all. us teens can get pretty fiesty. and u had every right to kick her out, no child should ever put their hands on their mother! but the best thing u can do when she gets like is walk away & let her say what she wants, yet still have boundries wit how she talks to u.

She is not a child but a young woman, if you slapped her and she retaliated you had that comming, you had no right to slap her anymore than her slapping you. Unless your relationship improves between you in her eyes she will not come home. Grounding only works if the person being grounded cooperates, obviously she will not so it is ineffective. I'd rather talk WITH not TOP her about her grades to see if she is having underlying problems etc. She is at risk of dropping out at her age.

definite, any juvenile who commits a criminal offense of intent could be sent to a secure juvenile facility. The minimum age could variety with state regulation, yet 12 is incredibly sufficiently previous to nicely known greater advantageous.