Could a native English speaker tell me how this sentence sounds? Thanks in advance.?

Too many adjectives and too many words that stretch their definitions, it looks like someone has been relying on the MSWord thesaurus. "lose its savour" "strenuous efforts"??

Good to see "its" not "it's", so many native English speakers are too lazy to figure that one out. Also good to see the "u" in savour. I've always though that the British/Canadian spellings look better in poetry, literature and literary commentary.

Keep writing (and reading) to improve your English composition skills. Just like dough, don't overwork a phrase.

Unless the poet puts his best efforts and infinite patience into his poem, it will not be with us long, losing its grasp and leaving us only vague memories.

Unless the poet fuses his strenuous efforts and infinite patience into his poem, it will not last and will lose its savour soon, leaving us but a few vague memories.

......is one possible solution

sounds very good to me. Possibly change the "Lose it's savour soon" to "his poem will not hold long and quickly lose savour" as saying lose it's savor soon, to me, sounds like "I'll call you back soon". The "soon" is a little out of place:) Then you will need to add "leaving us WITH few vague memories. Plus instead of his poem, his poem" say his poem, the poem" and "hold long" doesn't make sense to me???

(Also I don't really know if it's relevant to poetry though. Must a poet fuse effort and patience together to write brilliant poetry? I don't think they do, I think they are creative and literary genius's that use poetry as form of expression.)

hopes this helps :)

I think your teacher has the right idea. I'm a native English speaker, I received top marks in secondary (or high school) exams in English and am currently studying it in university. English is one of the most confusing languages when it comes to grammar. Definitely. It's much easier learning by speaking with other people and reading broadsheet newspapers (that means high quality). Because trying to remember all that grammar will become highly confusing. Most people don't know correct grammar. For example: "me and John are going to the shops". That is wrong. It should be "Myself and John are going to the shops". But really lots of people make those mistakes. Learn orally until you think you are fluent, and if you decide that you love the language enough (to teach it, or to write, maybe) then look at grammar. *Also, when typing, always spell things in full, it will help build memory, for example, don't say "plz", say "please".

This sentence doesn't sound good. I think you overstretch your abilities, but not being a native english speaker I am not sure what the best cure is.

I doubt about "fuses" and "hold long".

I think the last part should read: leaving us with only vague memories. (I am not really sure if this is an improvement however)

Wow!

Ok, the only comment I can make is that repeating "his poem, his poem" sounds a bit odd....I think you can safely use "it" in the second instance.

And maybe where you say "hold long".....I was a little confused at first.....I would say "last long" instead....but I understood it when I finished the sentence - that's just sort of a preference thing.

i'm from trinidad don't know if you've ever heard of us but your sentence sounds fine