What do you guys think about my Poem?

Question

She struggles as she makes her way, through the barren wasteland called earth.
She moves as if strings and chains control her body.
She feels as if a puppet her master society.
She all alone in this world, bearing nothing but childhood dreams, Yet shes only a child.
Marked with shame and scared with anguish, she moves on.
Only to stop and take pity on pitiful things, not knowing pity, pity her.
Doesn't anybody hear her? Doesn't anybody see her her?
She cries out, but her cries are faint, drowned out by wordly things
She keeps going until one day she disappears, and only the wind and rain can tell her story.
But the real question is:
Does anybody want to listen?

What did you guys think, please no bs.....Only real comments

savage_x · Accepted Answer

you need to proof read it, some errors, i believe.  alot of people have sad stories, not sure why someone would want to read it.  quit dwelling on the bad, find some good.  too many people having a pity party these days, it is not even interesting anymore...  someone with something positive and uplifiting to say, now that would be different.

Anonymous · Answer

7/10 but it is probably one of your first poems, you won't get good 'till you've written hundreds
worldly, not wordly
*She feels as if a puppet (is) her master society? 
*She (is) all alone in this world
*scarred, not scared 
*to stop and take PITY on PITIFUL things, not knowing PITY, PITY her??!!!???!??! (sounds pitiful, just kidding)
*doesn't anybody see her her???!!!??!!

Commander Cool · Answer

wow thats awsome its really deep. but id take out the line 'but the real question is:' and either leave it like that or replace it

fred c · Answer

very good keep up the good work

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What do you guys think about my Poem?

4 Answers