My Mum died the other day and I'm full of regret?

my mum died of cancer too.....I am 1 of 5 kids and we all dealt with it in very different ways......Mum knew us all very well, and understood why we each behaved the way we did.....I'm a bit like you.....i'd go over, but not know what to say, and just potter around making tea......another sibling stayed away, or only phoned, and the others did all the practical stuff like showering her.....

I feel very confident that your Mum would have understood that you were in denial or frightened.....(hence her checking with you that you were actually aware that she was immobile, etc).....and whilst she might have wished she saw more of you, she would have understood why you weren't there, and been ok with it.

I'm sure she would have known you were there when she was unconscious, and regardless....she'll be watching over you now, and wanting you to not be so hard on yourself.

Peace will come..... I promise, but it's a long and difficult path....

Nearly 3 years since my mum died, and I'm really starting to be ok...........

my heart goes out to you...........be kind to yourself.....and you are allowed to feel crap because you miss her, but not because you feel you didn't do enough.......

Life is full of regrets - you must do the only thing you can do now and remember the good times. The love between a mother and child is unconditional, and your mum won't be wanting you to feel the way you do. I think you did the right thing in posting this experience, it will have given you the opportunity to lay everything down on paper (so to speak). In doing this you will have had the pain of rewinding the last couple of months but it will help you to move on. You said you come from a close family and together you will pull each other through what must be a very difficult time. Take care.

I am sorry for the loss of your Mother. We all act differently when told a loved one is dying.

I think you should stop beating yourself up about this. I am certain your Mother knew how much you cared and that you were there.

Not all people are able to confront the issue of dying and i am sure this is what happened with you.

Now you are grieving but feeling the natural regret pang of "If only I had done this or if only I'd done that"...you cannot turn back the clock.

It's also very difficult to know what to say when someone is dying...you di what you thought was best.

Please seek some bereavement counselling as i think you need it to help you come to terms with her death as well as the feelings of guilt and regret you have.

Seek comfort from your family and friends and explain to then how you felt and feel now.

I am thinking of you.

It really doesn't seem to matter how much we do or don't do for loved ones we also feel regret at things left undone or unsaid.

I have lost both my mum and dad and feel deep regret about what I should have said and done.

I am convinced they always knew that I loved them and although it is now many years since they both died when I am alone and especially if I'm dusting pictures of them I have little conversations with them and tell them the things I didn't tell them when they were alive. I also tell them about things that I am doing now and how I am feeling. I am sure they are still watching out for me.

Grieving takes time but try to find quiet moments to think and talk to them. I certainly helps me.

Your mother knows what is in your heart and she doesn't want you to be sad. She wants you to know that she is in great shape now - no more pain. Your sadness and guilt makes her sad and ties her to this dimension. She will be free and happiest when she knows that you and everyone she loves here are OK and doing well. Until that happens she will feel concern for you - so it is important that you (both for her and for yourself) let the understanding into you that she is in a place of light and love and wants you to let that light and love into your heart and let it influence everything you do throughout your life.

The bonds between you are forever - and if you lift your spirit and are in a positive state - this will affect her and give her happiness.

What we call death is an illusion - it is just passing to a different state of life - and on that side we see much more into others hearts than here - our senses are much clearer there.

So, be sure that your mother knows what's in your heart and loves you. She told you that she couldn't move about and hadn't been eating to let you know she was going to be leaving soon -- so it wouldn't be such a shock for you.

Fear...it's what I can clearly see. I hate to see people suffer and it's difficult to consume everything that is intense and hard to cope with, don't feel regretful, because you can't change whats already been done, but at the same time fear can change you and make you become stronger. I am...well going through the same situation as you, I am not ready to see my father die from cancer. I really don't think I can deal with it, my fear is just the concept of not wanting to see someone I love and care about die, at the same time I am scared and I recognize that my fear is something I don't regret because it is out of love that I am fearing the reality of death.

I have experienced the same feelings as you when my mother died quite suddenly from cancer 2 years ago.

You have to accept that nothing you could have done would change things and although you maybe didnt visit your mother as often as you could have, I'm sure she would have understood that it was because you didnt like seeing her so ill and that you were scared.

It also sounds like you were in denial, as if not seeing her feeling bad and not talking about it would mean that she wasnt.

What you can do now is to live your own life and make your mother proud.

no deed done can be undone..no word spoken can be unspoken.

but we can ask for forgiveness from God....your mom won't hear you now..but she's watching over you.

I feel that she knew how you handled sickness and death and that is why she didn't ask for you to be there before she died.

I think everyone regrets things when a loved one passes on...my mother died 12 days after I left her home..knew she wasn't well but didn't realize she was that sick....aneurysm.

I prayed for forgiveness ..healing has finally come...mom didn't want us to know how bad she felt or was.

forgive yourself after you ask the Lord to forgive you ..we all fall short..but God has mercy on us.

I'm sure with your other family being with her ..they also feel guilty about something.

be sure and stay close to the rest of the family and help them now...not later.

God bless and so sorry about your Mom.

sorry for your loss..sometimes when you love someone too much , and go through this kind of situation you would be in denial, and you try to skip it to make it better, but after you loose that person you only left with regret, I am sure she loved you , and I am sure you didn't mean it..

I went through what you are going through, my mom died when I was 18 and I wasn't the person I am today...she loved me a lot and I did of course but I was running from the fact she was dieing..I tried to help her but sometimes I did the wrong things...I regret it all the time , but I loved her and I am sure now she is in a better place ...pray for your mom ..I am sure she understands.

my sympathies to you lad.

It's clear that you were scared to go for fear of what you'd see. Your sick old mum, and you helpless to do much for her.

We all express our grief in different ways, so hopefully you'll be able to discharge yours soon.

Remember this...she probably well knew the love that was in your heart, and had likely already made peace with the fact that you rarely came around.

You have my condolences son.