Asking Parents Permission to Marry?

I think that the practice of asking the father (mother or whomever) is definitely a courtesy and a sign of respect. Most young men these days do ask for permission before popping the question. It is acceptable to ask anytime before actually popping the question (unless of course you think that the father may say no!!) It is suggested that a few days prior is plenty of notice.

It is funny that people (feminists) typically disagree with this tradition, but yet say nothing when the bride wears a white or ivory gown. (which is a tradition, and the reason for ivory/white is to confirm your purity or virginal status- while in many cases women are not virgins at all!!) Whatever happened to sexual liberation for women- why not get rid of the white gown if we get rid of other sexist traditions (sarcasm there)? In addition to the dress, wedding cakes are also usually white in colour. Popularity of white wedding cakes can be explained with the fact that color white is associated with purity. Or what about cutting the cake? Traditionally cutting the cake symbolized happiness, prosperity and fertility. Well from a feminist point of view, why do it? Women are not just 'fertile beings' and do not have to procreate now if they do not choose to. Well I hate to say it, but you don't see much uproar about cutting cakes these days. (and rightly so obviously!)

It is quite hypocritical to knock this tradition of respecting the parents of the most important girl in your world. One man stated in the following article "It reinforces with parents the strength of your feeling and commitment to their daughter."

The second article I included states "Asking for a parent's blessing or permission was once a standard part of an engagement. Now asking for a woman's hand in marriage is sometimes viewed as an antiquated practice or a misogynistic ritual. But if done correctly, it can be a beautiful meaningful moment and opportunity to both honor and bond with your future in-laws."

Remember- you don't have to ask for permission, you can simply ask for their blessing!! It is the right thing to do, and unless you are willing to cut out all 'sexist traditions' don't knock those that view this as a respect thing. If we didn't keep traditions (the church, the dress, the rings, the reception) , we would have simple ceremonies before a judge. Good luck to your sister and I hope I didn't go on too much!

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RE:

Asking Parents Permission to Marry?

My husband and I were wondering how far in advance of the proposal traditional etiquette dictates asking the girl's parents' permission to marry. Is the man "supposed" to do it a month before? Two weeks before? A week before? A few days before?

That is a tough one. I can see arguments for both before buying the ring and after buying the ring. I think modern tradition is that it just happens before the formal proposal. I know my brother secretly took a weekend and went to his future in-laws and met with them individually and then together. It was after he picked out the ring but before he collected it. A close friend of mine just got engaged and chose to ask/tell her parents. He already had the ring but hadn't chose a date to ask yet, and basically slipped it out really quickly when his then gf left the room, but it became torture for her mom not to celebrate and talk about it.

Something else to consider, he should make sure to giver her parents enough time to "think about it". If her father/parents asks to think about it before answering, it will be very disrespectful to run out and ask her the next day before the parents give their blessing. They may also ask him to do something before they give their blessing. So at least a few weeks and no more than two months, might slip out by that point.

These days, it's not so much for 'permission' to marry, but more for the man to let his intentions be known to the parents - kind of more to get the 'stamp of approval'.

The man would go talk to the parents before he asks the woman to marry him. In our case, my husband went to talk to my mom (father is deceased) a few weeks before he asked me to marry him - then we were engaged eight months before we got married. Of course, I didn't know at the time that he went to see her, he did it of his own volition.

I think it's still a very respectful tradition to do, and isn't anti-feminist at all. In our case, we were mature, had been dating seriously, and my husband was totally loved by my family long before we got engaged.

My now fiance asked my parents permission 2 months ahead of time. He did it at Christmas so it wouldn't be so obvious to me, and then asked me on Valentine's Day..I dont think there is a rule like a few of the other answers, but I do think its a good thing to do. We like the traditional style better..

My fiancée asked my parents 3 days before. Don't do it too soon before, as otherwise your parents may find it hard not to give it away. Tradition just dictates that it must be before the man asks the woman.

I'd say before he buys the ring....

but now its not a everyday practice...and I'd prefer that my father not be asked as we are not that close... and i will have a college degree in a few short weeks, and am independent of my parents...but he can tell my parents.... and maybe a close friend that knows my taste.....for help with the ring and the proposal

my fiance asked my parents about a week before, i think its a good tradition, he asked so early mostly because he needed help finding a ring from my mom (shes a jeweler), but i agree dont do it too soon or they might accidently give it away

My fiancé asked me first, and then we discussed it with our parents. Well, first we discussed it with his mother (she discussed it with his dad). Since I couldn't get a moment's peace with my dad when he and my mother were home last summer (military family; home is with the paternal grandparents) I decided to just drop the information on him via telephone after speaking with my fiancé's mother. I know it sounds disrespectful, but he made it difficult in the first place. Exact words were:

"We have decided that we are finished with the dating phase and have chosen to move on to the engagement phase."

I could hear his smile as he gave his approval and such.

The harder part was telling the roommates about it, as they had all been complaining about weddings and people getting engaged. ^_^;;

A month to three months before