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What do I need to work on?
Staying focused on what's pure and true,
Hoping this isn't a dream like the one last night,
Pintching myself every five mintes,
Ohh it's finally real what I've been waiting for.
God I put it all in your hands for you know what's best
You've never let me down, never.
Even if we don't go out just the thought of it is beautiful
It has been awhile since I've had this feeling.
Better then the last, though I'm not comparing,
You're ahhmazing in every way and style,
Your heart for the Lord shines through your actions.
Evenything you do makes me what to know you more.
I'm probably getting my hopes up too high, I know.
I promise I'll work on that, I'll actually start now.
"I'd feel comfortable," were your very words,
Believe it or not I feel the exact same way.
These words will probably seem childish,
But then again can you blame me?
Going from wishes to dreams and now maybe reality,
Just proof that fairy tales can come true.
Okay, I'm getting ahead of myself I think I'll stop.
Don't want too get excited just in case.
But I just want you to know...
I'm happy it's you.
[[God if this doesn't work out then that's okay, too.]]
1 Answer
- rhode runnerLv 61 decade agoFavorite Answer
What I like about it
1) It is nice to see a poem that doesn’t rhyme. So many people unfortunately think that rhyming makes poetry.
2) What you did to the plain word amazing to make it stand out. That is very nice.
3) I like how it reminds me of a letter but a poem at the same time I forget what that type of poem is called but it is out there.
4) I love, love, love, that this is a happy poem. I read a lot of poems about people that are sad and heart broken. It made me smile to read this poem.
5) I like how you did different things with your end stopping.
6) If what you put at the very bottom of the peom is a part of it then that is very nice.)
What I think could be done to make it better
1) Add imagery. Imagery is very important in poetry. Poetry is the opposite of a story. In a story that we read we want the author to tell us what is going on. In a poem we want so see what is going on. So if you add one image in each stanza I think that it will add something good to the poem.
2) Found a few typo’s that you may not have wanted these included, Pintching, pinching, and mintes which is minutes, and evenything which is every thing.
Hope this helps,
Rhode Runner
