I can't take it anymore! My Step-mom is driving me nuts!?

All the "easy" answers aren't, are they?

I'm a stepmother, and my stepdaughter has profound issues with me. Unfortunately, she sounds more like your stepsister than anything else, and now she lives at her mother's house. My stepson somehow escaped all the drama and influence from his sister and remains with us half the time. I only say this to give you my perspective, because of course everyone has a bias when commenting on family issues. I'm not perfect, I am a stepmother, and I DO know what powerless feels like.

No, you can't "just" leave. Anyone who suggests that could use a little maturation of their own, and I suspect you know better. Running away would take those good grades and make them virtually useless for college, because you'd have to be busy staying alive rather than getting ahead. Legal emancipation would force you to work harder than even now to get the grades that are your ticket to a life away from that home.

Suggestions of involving counselors and/or clergy are almost like a mantra these days, but that advice is nowhere near as benign as it sounds. We had to do so for my stepdaughter. Before that, I respected many child psychologists and family therapists deeply, having seen many people helped by them. However, when help from a third party is solicited, that person becomes a wild card to EVERYONE involved. It guarantees an instant invasion of everyone in your family's privacy--including yours, will provoke resentment and defensiveness from both of your parents, and could actually involve legal problems for your parents due to the illegal activities you've mentioned. It's a rabbit hole, and you can't imagine where it goes.

I hate to say this, but it seems that every action you could take to take care of yourself here has very serious immediate negative consequences, hopefully with some long-term gain.

The safest course is to earn the best grades possible, in order to be accepted into a college a significant distance away which will offer you a great deal in the way of grants, scholarships and student loans. Staying with them means you will have less debt when you leave, and won't have to shake much dust off your shoes when you do.

If you leave, you'll have rent, utilities, food, transportation, clothes, medical care, and countless other expenses to take care of. Getting off that hamster wheel (work to live, live to work) to go to college is one of the hardest things to do these days.

I get the impression "meaningful dialog" won't go very well. If your father is solely backing up his wife and is impossible to communicate with, it may be worth only one attempt to express to him that you're miserable even though you can prove how hard you've been trying to make it work.

Self-preservation is a different thing entirely. If you see illegal substances in your house, bring them to your father. Tell him you don't use drugs, and you don't think they should be in the house. You thought he'd want to know, and assumed he'd want you to bring them to him. Explain that you're thinking of pursuing extracurricular activities because they'll look good on a college resume, and if you get a whiff of that you could easily fail their drug tests.

Last but not least, she talks bad about your mother. I confess, on a few occasions (can count them on one hand) I've been guilty of that. I only related truthful accounts of some things that happened, making my stepdaughter unhappy because she wanted to believe her mother. No bad words or insults. However, I am very careful to keep my feelings about our kids separate from my relationship with their mother. It's incredibly hard for even adults to do, for what it's worth. However, I have always believed I would NEVER tolerate anyone saying anything mean about my mother, and find the idea of doing that to the kids heartbreaking...even when it's true. The next time she goes off on your mother, ask her about hers. Be CAREFUL about your tone. Ask her like you'd ask someone about an interesting trip they took, because you're curious and you want to hear a story. Get her talking about her mother every time she talks about yours, and one of a few things might happen. You may find out she had a TRUE monster for a mother, which might explain a few things and may it easier to sympathize with her. She also might start avoiding the topic of your mother if it means she has to talk about hers every time. She also might realize what she's doing to you, whether she had a good mother or not, and ease up.

Good luck, kiddo. We're all in this together.

sweetie.. i've had the same problems back when my step-mom and dad got together, you just have to breath relax and live life and quit letting her get to you. I had several head bumps with my step mom, and trust me it got real nasty at some points. we wouldn't agree on NOTHING! and she always tried to make decisions in place of my dad, and that will definitely piss you off. Have you ever seen the movie "step mom" i really advise you to watch that its for sure how my step mom and i were. but its been 7 years now and her and i are like best friends. she would do Absolutely anything in this world for me as i would do for her. and its funny because i was reading where you said you had a brother i do as well and they never had any run ins. i think its just a girl thing lol.

I am assuming this a new step mom. She continues to act up and talk trash about your mom and is mean to you she will be an ex step mom. I bet your dad will not put up with her bad behavior or her kids. As far as getting along with her just do your best. Some step moms are like Cinderellas and are just not good.

You are in a hard place. You might try Alanon to help you with your drunk dad. You have 2 years until you are 18. Work and plan to be able to get out of there.

Maybe talk to a counselor or minister.

No easy answers I am afraid. Have courage and know that you will be on your own soon.

Talk to people.

Good luck.

Well, at 16 you can/need to stand up for yourself. She has no right to say anything to you about your mom, so just throw that right back at her...that is, tell her to shut her mouth. You can go to bed when you want to at 16, as long as you are making it to school, so you just ignore their "rule" on that one. This doesn't mean you get mean and disrespectful, you just ignore them. What are they going to do? Just make sure when you turn 18 and graduate, you get the hell away from these people.

you need a nice life I mean you can't be leaving in a house of hell with a family that does not care

my advice to you is move out the house and go live with a reltive! GOOD LUCK!

Kill her.