when does lack of sex warrant a divorce?

I would definitely consider it. At whatever point you feel confident the marriage is not going to work out I don't see much point in just prolonging things.

Something is not right here, and it isn't simply sex.

Sex is not the foundation of a relationship. It is can certainly be a component of a strong relationship, but basing a decision to seek a divorce ONLY on the lack of sexual activity between you and your spouse is a sign of deeper problems.

What if she had a medical condition that made sex uncomfortable? What if she doesn't like the way you make foreplay? Why don't I hear anything about what SHE thinks about your requests for sex?

If you and your wife are having problems communicating about sex, it is likely that there are other problems in the marriage -- even if you DON'T want to look at anything else in the marriage besides the lack of sex.

At this point (since you are considering divorce -- you wouldn't ask the question in this forum unless you were looking for justification), I would recommend marital counseling, pastoral counseling, or simply private counseling. You made enough of a commitment to marry this woman, you should at least be willing to allow someone else to help you and she reconnect.

A good marital counselor may also recommend meeting with a sex therapist. Keep an open mind and remember that only by going outside of our own comfort zones can we expect change in others -- or in ourselves.

Good luck!

I wouldn't leave if I really loved the person. Some people have medical conditions and can't have sex, yet they stay together. Sex isn't the biggest factor in a marriage. Respect, friendship and commitment are the biggest things I would say.

She might have a good reason for not having sex. Maybe she is having female issues or maybe you should ask her if she enjoys having sex with you. Perhaps there are things you can do that will make her enjoy it more. You have to communicate if you want to be in a marriage. Don't just ask for sex, ask why it isn't happening and how you can change that. Try to make it enjoyable for her. Don't become hostile when the two of you discuss it. You have to stay calm and be understanding if you want her to open up to you. Sometimes a honest talk can clear everything up. You never know.

If she is using sex to control you then that is no cool and perhaps the two of you should seek counseling.

As a legal prespective, each state has different grounds for divorce and lack of sex. If you want to use lack of sex as grounds for divorce in your divorce papers you will have to look at your state statute.

It sounds like to me that you have already given up on her.

You don't get a divorce, because of sex. Sex is a wonderful part of marriage, but it shouldn't keep it together or not. It shouldn't be that powerful.

I will say, your wife is being incredibly selfish if you only had sex 5 times in the last 9 months. "Just Married" couples have sex more than 5 times a week. That is not good and you have to find out what the problem is. If she really loves you, she could never let you be that unhappy and just ignore your feelings. Something is definitely wrong and you have to find out what that is. You can't just ask her for sex, you have to ask her why she won't have it.

You also have to warn her that it is causing you to have a problem with the marriage, because it's affecting the life she's giving you now. If you love her, always show her how much and always expect it in return. Sex would then happen naturally, but because it isn't something is lacking and you have to find out what that is.

I wish you all the luck.

I do believe sex is an important part of marriage it even says it on the bible ok so if you care about your marriage then try and do more communicate with your wife tell her how you feel even if it hurts her feelings sometimes poeple need to hear the ugly to see the reality of things cause for women sex is not that important so she might be ok without it, also try and find out a way to please her more maybe she is not having any orgasms and trust me most woman dont come very easily and some dont come at all so make sure you are doing your part on that, dont throw away your marriage without atleast trying first, be honest with her and make her see your point of view as a men cause seriously maybe you haven't cheated yet but most men in your position would have already, so make her understand that is important for you she might not realize honestly how serious it is maybe have her talk to someone that can tell her about it

DANG that is harsh to read, I thought my sex life was horrid. I asked a question about sex and marriage just the other week. I personally think it would be a reason to get a divorce, watch me get a whole lot of thumb downs but it is how i feel, Sex is very important to me and my husband knows this. I feel that you should talk to her, that stuff about women being able to go longer with out it and be all the happier is bull in my eyes. We have needs too. I am pretty sure that lack of sex could be considered irreconcilable differences, you want she does not there is no way to reconcile on those beliefs. And yes vows do not have anything to say about sex, well maybe they SHOULD!

EDIT- oh my gosh now i read that just married couples have sex five times a week?????? oh my gosh! i just married on Jan 12th, and i have had sex maybe, MAYBE five times.

First eliminate the possible reasons for this lack of libido in your wife.

Hypertension

Is it painful to her due to fibroids?

diabetes

depression

unsatisfied in past

Stress

Financial worries

There are many reasons why a woman would lose interest in sex but medical ones should be eliminated to find out for sure.

Make an appt with an internal medicines doctor and gynocologist for her.

Does she suspect you of online cheating, being a porn addict. Does she think that's all you want from her? Romance her. Maybe that's all she needs.

Fibroids, also called uterine leiomyomas, are extremely common non-cancerous muscular tumors of the uterus. About 80 percent of women develop this problem by the age of 50. Learn here https://tr.im/bUKsv

The exact cause of uterine fibroids is still not known. Factors like genetics, abnormalities in the blood vessel or vascular system, hormones and other growth factors play an important role in the development of fibroids.

There is obviously a reason for the extreme lack of sex, perhaps she doesn't really want to be with you, in which case you are perfectly entitle to ask for a divorce.

I feel for you, you're in a nasty situation and hope you get it sorted, one way or another.

Nope, this does not warrant a divorce. Maybe some counseling, but never divorce.

You took a vow.. for better or worse.

First, lack of sex.

Then, infidelity.

Finally, divorce.