Funny lists. Is it good?

The Top 20 Reasons Dogs Don't Use Computers

20. Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95.

19. Fetch command not available on all platforms.

18. Hard to read the monitor with your head ****** to one side.

17. Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.

16. Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail."

15. Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.

14. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working.

13. Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee.

12. Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.

11. Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies tail-wagging.

10. Oh, but they WILL... with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb.

9. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome

8. 'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand...

7. Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software.

6. SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test.

5. SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!

4. Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to manuever.

3. Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master's.leg.

2. Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.

and the Number 1 Reason Dogs Don't Use Computers...

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15 Pesky Ways to Annoy Your Roomate

Arrange thirteen toothbrushes of different colors on your dresser. Set one aside from the rest. Laugh hysterically at the one toothbrush. When your roommate asks about it, refuse to discuss the situation

Break the window with a rock. If your roommate protests, explain that you were hot. Open and close the broken window as you normally would.

Bring in potential "new" roommates from around campus. Give them tours of the room and the building. Have them ask about your roommate in front of him/her, and reply, "Oh, him/her? S/he won't be here much longer."

Buy a gun. Clean it every day. One day, put a Band-Aid on your forehead, and refuse to discuss the gun ever again.

Buy a McDonald's "Happy Meal" for lunch every day. Eat the straw and the napkin. Throw everything else away.

Cut the faces out of all your pictures.

Do all your homework in the bathroom, using the toilet as a desk.

Don't shower for three weeks. Complain often about the stench. Demand that your roommate do his/her laundry.

Every time you take a shower, yell audibly, "I'm melting, I'm melting!"

Every time the phone rings, turn on the stereo at full volume and begin to violently slam-dance with your roommate. If s/he asks about it, say, "Oh, that damn hypnotist...."

Drink lots of lemonade. Talk obnoxiously for hours about how much you love lemonade. Then, one day, paint your face yellow. From then on, complain about how much you hate lemonade.

Frantically scribble something on paper. When finished, eat it. Start again.

Name your books. Call them like dogs when it's time to study.

Play hide and seek with yourself. If your roommate asks what you're doing behind the couch, under the table, etc., look at them exasperatedly, come out of hiding and tell him/her that s/he gave away your hiding place. Refuse to talk to him/her for several hours.

Talk back to your "Rice Krispies." All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer."

Fun at the Drive-Through

• Specify that this order is "To Go".

• At midnight, ask if you are too early for Breakfast.

• When ordering, start talking about the problems you were having with your car. Ask if somebody can take a look at it.

• Laugh loudly when asked if you would like fries with your order.

• When asked if they can take your order, tell them you are just looking and drive off.

• Tell them you have to use the bathroom - Don't Order anything.

• Order a hamburger, no bun with two ketchup sachets – That’s all.

• When they hand you your food, hand them a bag back with all the rubbish from your car in it.

• When they come on the intercom, say "Sorry, I'm not here at the moment, please leave me a message".

• Pretend like your window is broken. Tell the employee this. Order with your door open, pay with your door open. Roll down window and take food through the window.

• Stand close to the speaker and yell your order, using colorful expletives in ways which would embarrass the patrons inside.

• Speak a foreign language (make one up if you have to). When the manager comes to the mic, speak English and inquire as to why the order taker had such difficulty understanding you.

• Order confusing items, i.e., "Hi, I'll have a large orange Coke and a small medium fries, please."

• In a crowded drive-thru line, place a HUGE order, then slip out of line and watch the fun as the person behind you is handed 40 bags of food.

• Drive through with a car load of naked people.

• Speak in such a garbled fashion that the order-taker will think there is a problem with the speaker and ask you to order at the window. When you arrive at the window, speak in the same garbled, incomprehensible fashion.

• Drive through with someone on the hood to accept the food.

• Have a friend hide in the trunk. When you approach the window to pickup your order, have him start yelling and banging his fists on the trunk.

• All of the above work very well when done at the late night pick up window.

21 Ways to Amuse Yourself While Driving

1. Vary your vehicle’s speed inversely with the speed limit.

2. Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to head bang.

3. At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors.

4. Two words: Chicken suit.

5. Write the words “Help me” on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better.

6. Stop at the green lights.

7. Go at the red ones.

8. Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance.

9. Pass cars, then drive very slowly.

10. Sing without having the radio on.

11. Honk frequently without motivation.

12. Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an angry look and an obscene gesture.

13. Look behind you frequently, with a very paranoid look.

14. Restart your car at every stop light.

15. Hang numerous car-fresheners in the rear-view mirror. Talk to them, stroking them lovingly.

16. While stopped at a light, piss out the window/sunroof onto other cars.

17. Keep at least five cats in the car.

18. Have some passengers in the back who are having wild, noisy sex.

19. Stop and collect road kill.

20. Stop and pray to road kill.

21. Get in the fast lane and gradually...slow...down... to a stop.

Then get out and watch the cars.

How to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity in the Workplace

1) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

2) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after you boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender.

3) Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha."

4) Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."

5) Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as much since you did this.

6) Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.

7) Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.

8) Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask them if they want fries with that.

9) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.

10) Put your trash can on your desk. Label it "IN."

11) Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.

12) Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunch room. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that."

13) Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.