Joint Legal Custody: how to make it work when parents can't agree on anything??

Romare (above me) gave you a very good answer.

All I can add is that JLC rarely works unless the parents can agree to set aside differences and work together for the best interest of the child. Sadly, doesn't sound likely in your case.

What you should consider is asking the Court to appoint an Advocate for your child. This person will work with the Court on behalf of the child ... he or she does not represent YOU or the boy's father, only the child. This eliminates (or diminishes) the he-wants/she-wants aspect of custody and support.

DO NOT back down on child-support. Child support is not a gift. That money is OWED to you, and your son's father has a duty to pay it.

I hope the 2 of you can get past your anger and realize that fighting over every issue, big and small, reduces your son to nothing more than a pawn in a warped game of Grownup Chess. There are no winners.

He sounds like he would be very difficult to work with. And no offense, so do you, (the court has to intervene, that is sad )

But you have to think of your child's best interest. Put the bitterness aside. I am a divorced parent of two children, believe me it was not easy initially, but since you both love that child you must put that aside and stop fighting over something as trivial as money.

Stop wasting time and energy on the attorneys and the court. Focus that energy on the child and things will get better. Let your ex have custody, he may get tired of it or he may turn out to be a wonderful asset to bringing up your child.

What I don't understand is , why do you not just let him give up rights and you give up child support if he is that hateful. Sounds like a good solution for right now.

The most important thing is to tell the judge what you have told us. Do you have an attorney? If not, you will have to make it clear to the judge that mediation has not worked and that you are very concerned about the future and that you two have very different parenting styles. Tell the judge that you need more help from the court. Believe me, this will not be the first time the judge has dealt with this issue, and he or she will have some good solutions. But you have to ADVOCATE for yourself and, more importantly, your child and his future. Speak up, speak strongly, don't get emotional, and give a rational explanation of your valid concerns. Do not under any circumstances let yourself go soft or care about your husband's feelings. Good luck.

The child support is for the children not for you. You should not negotiate this issue because your children will suffer and unless you can show a change in circumstances you will not be able to get this changed should you change your mind. Your husband is outrageous for suggesting this. He has a responsibility to support his children. And the child support set by the courts is fair regardless of what the parties think.

Joint legal custody means that he will be able to participate in legal issues governing your children. One example of this is that children under the age of 16 must get the permission of both parents to apply for a passport.

Family courts retain jurisdiction over cases because of these very issues. Things change as children grow up. If your husband becomes difficult then you should go to court to get the judge to deal with contested legal issues.

Most of the time this doesn't become an issue because the person who has physical custody is the one who makes day to day decisions. If you have primary physical custody you will be making most of the day to day decisions about your children. If he disagrees then he will have to go to court to change the decision you have made. If he does this much and your decisions have been appropriate, the judges will gets pretty upset with his behavior.

Remember both parents have rights to basic information about their children(report cards, school pictures, medical information, etc) but it is his/her responsibility to obtain it.

You should contact the local family law facilitator/counselor at your court. Most courts have someone like this to counsel people who can't afford a lawyer. If you can, you should hire a lawyer, it will be worth it, and based on your incomes, your husband may be required to pay your lawyer.

Since you are going to court anyway, I would have the Judge rule on it while you are there. Tell him that you have different styles and that since you are the primary physical custodian, do you have the right to make the important decisions...

My sister has gone through this and she didn't get an order from the Judge, so when it came time to put the oldest child in school (he is autistic and needs special schooling) her ex took her back to court and wanted his son to go to a school near his home but it did not have the education his son needed. The Judge ruled in favor of my sister but then 2 years later when it was time for their middle child to go to school, her ex took her back to court again. The Judge said that all of the children would attend the school that my sister had selected and that she was to make the decisions like that involving the children.

You need to get that ironed out while you are in court this next time. If not, he can take you back to court over and over again.

Good Luck to you.

don't agree, there is no way it will be forfeited. call legal aid if you do not have a lawyer. if you feel you can not agree, they will appoint a mediator or you both can agree on someone like a grandparent or other family member, if you don't want to drag family into it, then go with the one appointed. at least until everything calms down. any signs of abuse from the father towards the child make sure you write down and call police!!!

No grievance, yet particularly if the SM isn't relatively being risky on your infants then possibly you may enable it run that's course. attempt to comprehend that your infants at some point won't like who you're with precise off the bat the two--do you opt for them to stop seeing you by using fact of it? Do they dislike their SM by using fact their dad makes them obey her?? if your stipulation says not something approximately out of state holiday trips--then bear in mind that applies to you too. Your fact does not instruct lots help for the SM--and that's thoroughly your element and you will do as you like--do exactly not enable your individual hostilities bleed out on your infants.

Which is why, in my opinion, money should have nothing to do with children.

However, to answer your question, if he takes you to court on every issue and he can, that will be your life. You might want to consider your options on this. He can make your life miserable or you can work together for your child. It's sad, but if you guys don't work something out, everybody loses for a long time.

stand your ground and don't give in to him... Ask the judge to base his decisions on what's best for the child and for him(the judge) to tell the father he has to do what's recommended or the judge will raise the child support and the father will have other restrictions placed on him if he doesn't settle down and comply.