I started to write a story because I was bored, I'm 14, anyone wanna read the first paragraph?

This is really good, you should keep on writing and try to get your story published if you ever finish it. =)

take out the following:

She had skipped a shower because she had washed her hair last night before she went to bed. Taking showers at night calmed her down and it was easier than taking showers before school started. It also gave her an opportunity to think about the day's events while doing something productive. Even on weekends like today, she still took showers the night before simply out of habit.

is there really a purpose to tell your audience this? it slows down the action and people don't really care if she takes a shower or not. many people these days have a very short attention span. good job so far, though.

It's a pretty good story, but I think you have way too many words. You describe everything too in depth, which will bore many people. That same reason is why a lot of people don't like Nathaniel Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter, including me.

It is pretty good but I think you need to make the character more elaborate in the next few paragraphs and not the things she does or the clothes she wears. Other than that it was very good. =))

i like it! and her name really flows.

you should be a writer. will you write more and send me some? i think its good!

click on me and then hit my email.

good luck,

xxlovexx

i think the extra detail makes it easier to picture in my mind, the way you detail it im picturing her as a somewhat spoiled regular teen with a wealthy family.

((and im not asking to read it to steal your story, i just think its good.))

That's really good. But be careful, there are people out there that might steal that...

Keep writing. I think you've got a talent for it.

very descriptive and detailed good start for a beginner.

is your story all about clothing?

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