What, specifically, can you do to help a soldier returning from Iraq to adjust to daily living?

Give them space.

The first thing families like to do is throw parties to welcome the guy or gal home. I guess some mean well, but some are just selfish. In most cases, the last thing the guy wants is to be forced into the public from combat.

If a family plans a party, it's better to ask the returning soldier if he or she wants to attend. "Aunt Agatha is planning a party next Friday. I told her that I'd leave it up to you." For heaven's sake, never argue, "Aunt Agatha went to a lot of work planning this party. Get your inconsiderate butt out of that chair..." or, worse, "I told you about Aunt Agatha's party. Why don't you quit feeling sorry for yourself and get dressed."

Give them time.

A soldier goes through months of training to react to things in combat. For some it's a hard thing to learn. I know some training that lasts a year.

Then the soldier goes into combat and for a year or more relies on that training to stay alive.

Now the soldier returns home after two intensive years of training to react in the context of war, and people tend to expect him to flip from a war context to a civilian context as one might flip a light switch. It takes time -- some require a LOT of time. It doesn't mean they're crazy. It just means that people who don't know anything about the military don't understand what the soldier has gone through -- they can't. As long as the symptom is benign, it's not the soldier's problem. It's the civilian's.

Be there for them.

Don't try to force a soldier to talk to you. If he or she wants your help, he'll approach you. Don't ask questions to get information you want to know. That's not the purpose of conversations to help him or her get home. Sometimes it's just best to let the soldier vent.

I was talking to a Korean War Veteran. He said he had PTSD. They didn't even have that back then, so I knew he'd been talking to a psychologist recently. I asked him what made him think he had PTSD. He said it was because, when there was a loud noise behind him he couldn't recognize, he had an urge to dive for cover. I asked him if he'd ever dived for cover except in combat. He hadn't. I suggested that he quit wasting his time with psychologists, and just get on with his life.

Love them.

When I got back my first couple of times, I kind of neglected my family. They were cloying -- of the sort who wanted to see me for their own personal reasons.

I spent a LOT of time with my dog. Max was cool. He loved me without wanting to know how I was, what was on my mind, what I thought or felt about this or that. He just loved. When I cried, he was there. When I was happy, he was there. And even when I wanted to be alone, while he was there, he didn't require that I pay him any attention -- it's almost as if he understood. Max lasted two tours, but wasn't there when I got back from my third. However, he'd done his job. He'd helped me learn to come back.

I think kids probably have the toughest time in these areas. They're usually haven't outgrown the "me... Me... ME!!!" mode. They need to be made to understand that mommy or daddy still loves them more than they can know. But she or he has had a very long, hard day at the office, and really needs some time to relax and put the office problems behind her or him.

Good Question... And I think it would depend aLOT on the Personality of the returning Soldier... I think one of the most Important things, -would be giving them some time (a week or two, perhaps) to "decompress" -back into Civilian life... Take them around to do Ordinary things...-Cook a meal or go out to a favorite fast food place; have them spend some Ordinary time with family members; -stuff like THAT; but ALWAYS allow them the time to spend by THEMSELVES- if THAT's what they want... I also think they shouldn't be bombarded with Questions they might NOT BE READY to give Answers to- just yet. Give them some "Space" to find their OWN Place- in everyday Life again... There's a chance they could look at Living back Here- VERY Differently than they once did... -And it's important that they get the Time & Understanding from YOU & the Ones They LOVE, -to reconcile the World they just came from- to the One they just returned to... ... .

Don't pester him with questions, he will talk in his own time. Be patient, he will have mood swings, some movies may upset him.

Be careful waking him, he may take a swing at you or look for his gun. (he isn't being mean, he just isn't used to you being there)

Just be very, very patient, it can be a very trying time.

Good luck and congrats on your soldier coming home :)

GET THEM BCK INTO THE COMMUNITY AND DO NOT ALLOW THEM TO BE ISOLATED- ALWAYS HAVE A GROUP OF FREINDS AROUND TO KEEP OCCUPIED MENTALLY, ALSO PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY. ALWAYS HAVE A COUNSELLOR ON STANDBY IN OF EMERGENCIES. PHYSICALLY ACTIVE WIV A LARGE GROUP OF FREINDS- MAKE THEM FEEL WANTED EVERYDAY AND THEY MUST HAVE A SENSE OF PURPOSE SO GET THEM A JOB OR SUMTHING...DAT THE FEEL IMPORTANT IN...THEY MIGHT NOT TELL YOU HOW THEY FEEL SO U HAVE TO LEARN TO READ SIGNS OF HOW THEY FEEL, LIKE WEN THEY ARE FEELIN DEPRESSED OR SUMTHIN...HELP THEM EVERY STEP OF THE WAY COZ THEY HAVE SEEN AND HEARD FIRST HAND OF THE TERRIBLE IMPACTS AND EFFECTS OF WAR. SO BECAREFUL AND GOOD LUCK. ALSO SEEK ADVICE FROM THE MILITARY ITSELF AND OTHER ORGANISATIONS

GOOD LUCK

I am being serious not a smart-*** here. Don't set off any fireworks, like especially M-80'S or even firecrackers round him.

Don't talk about Iraq to him. Let him talk to his fellow soldiers about that.

Basically, keep it so when he thinks about his fellow soldiers, he will think about War, but when he thinks about you, its about love and comfort. Don't let those be intertwined.

soldier comming from duty,will have that movie in his head fr years, depending the situations events he experienced.....strong new experiences could help to"replace" those stron memories, like having a baby, a new romance, a new adventure, something strong.....going to shopping-dinner-movies....mmmm....don't worrk

Thank him and then as him/her what WE can do to help them.

***EDIT***

You are really a piece of $hit. These soldiers risk their life for your right to be so stupid.

they are use to this !

check the video!