Saving a relationship on your own?

Just tell him that you will give him what ever space he needs ...but ask if he is willing to wait awhile to file for divorce. My husband left me and our daughter about a year ago ...and after about 4 months I filed for divorce, thinking it was over. The divorce has been final for 2 months now, and he wants to work things out, saying he realizes what he gave up. Don't rush into anything ....this is a HUGE decision. In the mean time, talk to someone, a counselor, a pastor ....or even just a really good friend.

Also, sign up for this guys email ...or if you have the money, get his support plan ....it's AWESOME !

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Sweetie, if you two are separated you have to wonder what he is doing out there. He is adamant that he wants this divorce. You want him back but honestly you don't want him there if he doesn't want to be there. He is withdrawing from the twelve year relationship and has all the control and is showing you that you do not have any. He is running away from his problems and says that he is not willing to save this relationship and it appears that the ball is in his court because he will not even try to act constructively in thinking he can change anything. Most men that have this attitude and behavior usually leave a long term marriage because they have someone waitng for them. If you know for sure that he doesn't he is only trying to control the situation of conflict in the worse way. You cannot fix anything if he refuses to not communicate or work on maintaing the marriage with you. I would be very angry and hurt at this point if he thought that those 12 years were all for nothing between the two of us and... allow him to do what he choses to do. Maybe start reacting differently to the situation by going with his flow of things and stay quiet and calm. This might make him come forward to you in a different way and if it doesn't then you have to prepare for that outcome. You both have to be willing to work as a team for things to get better and... if he is running around out there acting single before he divorces me I would not even consider taking him back after putting someone else between us. Marriage and commitment is not about leaving the relationship to look for answers on the outside it's about about staying together and working out our differences. It's about taking the bad with the good and making one another feel safe and protected. He isn't doing that and if he can't even give the two of you some marriage counseling he just isn't worth the next 12 years of your life and you can do better than that and you know it.

I'm in a similar situation, so I know how you feel.

Firstly give it a little more time although a month seems a long time when your suffering the pain of a break up it's not long considering you have been married for 12 years.

Give your husband some breathing space, don't ask questions, ring him or bother him. Make your own plans and don't sit around waiting for him to come home and 'talk'.

My husband is now speaking to me quite ammicably and even admitting he may be wrong but it has taken 5 weeks of me leaving him alone to make his own decisions. I have also took a good look at myself and realised that I am quite controlling in our relationship so I have to wait for him to come to me, obviously you cannot live like it long term but give it time, if you truly love someone set them free, if it's meant to be, they will come back.

Show your husband your going to cope alone, don't torment him by saying where your going, just do your own thing and as long as there is not another woman invlolved, I guarantee that he will at least want to talk. Let him wonder what your doing.

Good Luck, I know it hurts, but everything works out in the end, it always does.

Perhaps when things are on a more even keel, you could suggest you attend counselling, I am currently going alone but hope in the future my husband might want to come with me.

My ex husband told me the exact same thing. We stayed together for 6 months, because I wanted to try and save the relationship, although he kept saying it was over. It wasn't until we actually split up that I found out he was already interested in dating someone else.Small problems aren't enough to end a relationship. There must be something else that you are not aware of.

I am sorry to hear about your situation. I have been through 2 divorces that I did not want and I tried everything I could to save them. If he does not want to work on it then it is over. He has to be willing also to put in an effort to make it work if he don't you will just be spinning you wheels in false hope. He has to want it to work also. I really wish that one person in the relationship could save it but it takes two people to work at it and to save it.

Best of luck on getting him to change his mind.

You can't change his mind. My husband left because he said he was tired of "doing the work" on our marriage. Funny, I never really saw him do anything besides go to work, come home tired, eat my delicious cuisine, sit on the couch and watch TV, then stay up late after I had gone to bed to look at porn...and we had only been married for 1.5 years. He was a totally different person when I dated him.

One cannot make a spouse do the work. And doing all the work yourself will just cause a lot of hurt and resentment. If avoiding small problems is your husbands way...and unwillingness to work through things is your husbands way...then I say let someone else have him! You deserve better.

You can ask him to hold off on the divorce for 3-6 months....and then you can go to marriage counseling on your own.

It's an outside chance but even if it doesn't work it can help you prepare for the divorce.

not when he is in this frame of thinking let him calm down in a month or two and then try, see what happens, if you break up and then get back together it will be for life, but if ya break up and dont then it was meant to be (quote taken of jeramy kylie) show this morning i thought it was class

good luck.

It sounds as though he is looking for away out. What is really going on that is what I would be asking myself. Is there someone else in his life?

do you think it's possible that the root of the problem with your marriage is that you see the big huge issues as nothing more than mole hills?