What should I do about the sex in our relationship?

Question

I was overseas for 1 1/2 year and returned to find that my and my fiancee's sex life has changed.  While we still have sex several times a week, she makes certain joking comments that imply that it is a "duty" for her.  These comments bother me.  When we do have sex, I try to please her and she gets off maybe 75% of the time.  Sometimes the sex is great.  I usually go about 20 minutes from first penetration, which she seems to think is too long, but I can't go faster than this, especially as I feel pressure to finish up if she gets off first.  I ask her what she wants, but she says that what I'm doing is fine.  We've talked about this, and I told her that it seems she's just having sex for me, and she said it's true, and that she has never had a strong sex drive.  She assures me that despite the fact she has orgasms, sex just isn't a priority for her.  We both love each other deeply, but this lack of feeling wanted sexually really bothers me.
Any women out there have advice?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

If sex is important to you, it makes no sense whatsoever to marry someone who doesn't like it all that much.  Face it: you can't MAKE her like sex, and you can't make her make it a priority.  It is either important to someone, or it is not.  Do not marry her thinking it's going to change!

By the way, your sex life didn't change so much upon your return from being overseas -- what happened was she decided to start being more honest with you, that's all.

Jim W · Answer

Stop worrying about performance.  For women, sex is a form of communication.  Intimacy is more important than orgasm.  She can get that from a vibrator.

Also, if you help around the house and pay attention to her out of bed, it usually helps in the bed.

Anonymous · Answer

If a Healthy Sex Life is Really Important To You.......

 Wake UP - - Do NOT Marry This Women - Sounds as Though She is NOT Right For You - - You Will End Up Very UN-Satified and UN-Happy.

CatNip · Answer

Boy, that truly sucks! Reducing lovemaking to an act of duty, how loving is that?  Well, since she is only your fiancee, I would seriously rethink getting married. This issue is already a problem with you and her attitude on the matter isn't help, and it will probably only get worse after you get married.

Anonymous · Answer

Woman go thru hormone fluxuations.. She may need to take a daily vitamin, go on birth control to even out her mood swings or even just simply hit the gym to tone up her body and her confidence to make her feel like a true woman again.

It shoulds she is very self conscience of herself and doesn't feel like she is enough for you anymore.

Joshua R · Answer

At least you guys are talking about it, that bodes well for you.

blueberry · Answer

why not break up with her, she has issues

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What should I do about the sex in our relationship?

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